The End of Writing

Earlier today, in the small, insomnia-riddled hours that often hit in the middle of the night, I left myself a note containing an idea for a blog post. (I didn’t write the note; I merely picked up my phone, punched an icon, and spoke the note.)

I quickly forgot what I put into the note. I didn’t recall it until I read the note many hours later. The note said, “Soon the ability to read and write will be archaic.”

It’s a rare school these days that teaches cursive writing. Once upon a time, and not that long ago, all children had to learn cursive. Enter the computer age. Computer keyboards use block lettering. Virtual keyboards on phones and tablets use block lettering. All electronic devices, including computers and phones, display text as block lettering. Cursive was invented so that people could write faster. But no one writes any longer; today’s communication is by email and text message and social media. There is no need for cursive, so it has gone the way of the horse and buggy.

Progress is exponential. The more the world changes, the faster the changes come at us. Whereas yesterday’s communication usually consisted of pages of handwriting, today’s communication is likely to contain photos and even videos. Progress builds on itself. Innovation builds on itself until it becomes synergistic, a blend of humanity and technology. We no longer have to type instructions into a machine – we can simply talk to the machine.

When all we have to do is talk to a machine, why learn to write? The day is approaching when learning to write will be a task without a purpose. And if you cannot write, then you will be ill-equipped to read. But no matter – text to speech is already old hat. Our machines will listen to us and they will talk to us. They’ll be very smart machines. They’ll know us better than we know ourselves. They will learn our innermost secrets and our every desire and whim. They’ll be our confidantes and best friends.

Maybe I’m overstating the imminent death of the written word in order to make a point about the things we may lose by rushing with reckless haste into a technological future. If the day does come in which the majority of people become so comfortable talking and listening to machines that they no longer feel the need for written words, it will be a sad day for humanity. For as Carl Sagan observed, “A book is proof that humans are capable of working magic.”

TV Dinner

I was eating a frozen entrée – what in Olden Days was called a TV dinner – and I couldn’t help wonder, “What ingredient do they put into these dinners to make them all taste the same?”

Because they do. Taste the same, that is. And not in a good way.

Now I’m aware that a steak fajita dinner tastes different from a meatloaf and mashed potatoes dinner. And yet, there’s an aftertaste from each that is disgustingly similar and makes one swear to never eat another TV dinner – excuse me, I meant to say frozen entrée.

Once, many yarns ago when I was a teenager, a neighbor who managed a frozen dinner factory took me to his factory and gave me a tour. At the end of the tour, he and I went to his office and he commanded a worker bee to bring us a plate of fried chicken, which was used in one variety of dinner (I mean, entrée) that the factory produced. The fried chicken was delicious. I didn’t taste a hint of TV-dinner in that fried chicken. But freeze it and then heat it up, and you’ve got a different animal.

Maybe the secret ingredient is sprayed onto the food just before it goes into the box. Whatever it is, all the TV dinner companies use it. Dang it! I mean frozen entrée companies. I’ll never get the hang of living in the 21st century.

Ignorance Is Bliss

I’m still getting emails telling me how great a president Trump will be. I hope they’re right. I don’t agree with much Trump says he will do, but I certainly don’t want to see our president fail. I don’t want inflation to get out of control. I don’t want to see rampant unemployment. I don’t want our food prices to increase by fifty percent. And yet, to be honest, there is something I don’t quite get.

If you were boarding a jet airliner, you wouldn’t want someone who had never flown a plane to be your pilot. If you were preparing for surgery, you wouldn’t want someone who had never gone to medical school and had no experience as a surgeon to operate on you.

If you needed an electrician, you wouldn’t hire someone who had no experience with electricity and wiring. If you needed a plumber, you wouldn’t hire someone who had never seen the inside of a plumbing supply store.

In fact, I can’t think of any field of endeavor in which complete ignorance of the job is considered an advantage. But the American public has decided that doesn’t apply to politics. Apparently, the less you know about that job, the more effective you will be when you get the job.

I don’t believe it. But we will see.

The Hamilton Incident

President-elect Donald Trump is notoriously thin-skinned. This is not a newly discovered personality trait that I am only now revealing. His inability to handle criticism was one of the major knocks against him during the run-up to the election. So the Hamilton Incident comes as no surprise.

Trump’s pick for vice president, Mike Pence, went to a Broadway theater to watch the play Hamilton: An American Musical. As the play ended, the actor who played Aaron Burr, Brandon Victor Dixon, thanked Pence for attending and said, “We hope you will hear us out.”

As Pence was leaving the auditorium, Dixon continued, “We, sir — we — are the diverse America who are alarmed and anxious that your new administration will not protect us, our planet, our children, our parents, or defend us and uphold our inalienable rights. We truly hope that this show has inspired you to uphold our American values and to work on behalf of all of us.”

The audience broke out in enthusiastic applause and cheers.

This pissed Trump off to no end, and he fired off several tweets stating that the cast of Hamilton had harassed Pence, had been rude to Pence, and owed Pence an apology.

Now, maybe they do, and maybe it’s called free speech. But I don’t think it’s about Pence at all. I think Trump took the incident as a personal criticism. The man that he, Donald Trump, had personally selected to be vice president, and by association Trump himself, had been implored to govern with better behavior than Trump had demonstrated during the long election race.

If being addressed at the end of a Broadway play is the worst thing that befalls Trump or Pence during the Trump presidency, I would call his presidency golden.

But if Trump is truly upset over this very mild and polite exhibition of free speech – upset enough to spend any time at all with public criticism of the incident – upset enough to publicly demand an apology from the “offending” actor – then Trump has, without any doubt, chosen the wrong job.

Boyce Avenue & Sarah Hyland

The song of the day is 2016's Closer by The Chainsmokers ft. Halsey (Ashley Nicolette Frangipane). This cover is performed by Boyce Avenue ft. Sarah Hyland. The original is here.

The First United States

I am not a history buff. In high school, history was my most hated class and one that I seldom made better than a ‘C’ grade. It was dry and boring and seemed at times to consist mainly of memorizing obscure facts about innumerable European wars. The Hundred Years’ War, the Thirteen Year’s War, the War of the Roses – on and on it went. Do you know how many named wars have occurred in European history? Me neither, but it’s a long list. TL;DR.

But there are some interesting facts about United States history that I would bet a lot of people don’t know. For example, before the present day United States came into existence, there was an earlier United States. It had its own constitution that was formally called The Articles of Confederation and Perpetual Union.

The Articles of Confederation were written by a committee appointed by the Second Continental Congress. The colonies adopted the Articles of Confederation and the first United States was born. The Congress of the Confederation was formally called the United States in Congress Assembled. In 1781, John Hanson was elected the first President of the United States in Congress Assembled.

This first United States government didn’t last long. The confederation was too weak and cooperation between the states too limited to be useful, so after eight years a new constitution replaced the Articles of Confederation. Framers of the new constitution advocated a federal government, so they were called Federalists. The new Federal government would have more power than the old confederation, which delegated most power to the states.

After some wheeling-and-dealing to get the states on board – for example, Virginia demanded a Bill of Rights be added to the Constitution before the state would ratify the new Constitution – all thirteen colonies joined the new United States. The first president elected under the new United States Constitution was, as we all know, George Washington. But there are some historians who say the first president should be John Hanson. I guess it all depends on your point of view.

Therapy Dogs

My Roanoke amigo and fellow blogger CyberDave told me that he saw this tidbit of news on the TV: namely, some people were so distraught after seeing the election results that they had to seek out therapy dogs. My reaction was, “What?! Nah, you’re kidding me. That can’t be real.”

Turned out it actually was real, sorta-kinda. I don’t know how many people, if any, were treated by therapy dogs because of the election results, but ABC news aired a story called Therapy Dogs Help Stressed Voters in which they interview a woman who owns therapy dogs, and she said they could be very helpful to a person under stress, such as a distraught voter.

Then CyberDave said he was going to the Roanoke Wiener Stand in downtown Roanoke and order a couple of therapy dogs. I thought that was funny and reminded him that any dog can be a therapy dog. A chili dog, a slaw dog, a whatever dog, they can all put a warm glow into one’s tummy. That warm glow is called indigestion, but that’s another blog post.

CyberDave was as good as his word. In fact, he went to DQ and the Wiener Stand and ordered therapy dogs at both places. Predictably, his request was met with “Huh?” and “Stick to the menu.” Then he came home and blogged about it in considerably more detail than I would have thought possible. If you’re into therapy dogs – I mean wieners – I mean the hot dog kind of wiener, not the Huma Abedin’s husband kind, you can read all about it on CyberDave’s blog here. Be forewarned, though – by the time you reach the end of the post, you may find yourself drooling.

Fish of the Day

Did you know that the Hawaii state fish is the humuhumunukunukuapua’a? It’s pronounced “who-moo-who-moo-noo-koo-noo-koo-ah-pooah-ah.” I challenge anyone to say it ten times fast. And no, there is no reward if you manage to do it.

Humuhumunukunukuapua’a can attack when annoyed. There is no word on whether they are tasty, but I’ve never seen one on a menu so they probably aren’t.

In Virginia, where I live, the state fish is the brook trout. (Seven other states also claim the brook trout as their state fish.) I’ve read that brookies are tasty. There is even a website called Eat More Brook Trout.

But back to the humuhumunukunukuapua’a. For some reason it amuses me to write the name humuhumunukunukuapua’a.

Humuhumunukunukuapua’a. Ha-ha.
Humuhumunukunukuapua’a. Ha-ha-ha-ha.
Humuhumunukunukuapua’a. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Sorry.

If you can’t pronounce the name, just say humuhumu for short.

Humuhumunukunukuapua’a

I bet native Hawaiians made up a gibberish name when the first Europeans arrived on the islands. I can see it now … a European approaches a small huddle of native Hawaiians who also happen to enjoy playing jokes on naïve Europeans.

European guy: “What do you call that fish?”

Hawaiian guy thinks, winks at the other Hawaiians. “We call it … humuhumunukunukuapua’a.”

European guy: “Uh, thanks. I’d better write that down. Can you spell it?”

Hawaiian guy chokes back a giggle, says “Just like it sounds,” and walks away to grins from the other Hawaiians.

And just like that, the fish had a name.