Nutritional Food

I stopped into a grocery store to buy pastrami and rye so I could make – what else – pastrami sandwiches. The store is one I shop at only occasionally, so I’m not very familiar with its layout. I got the pastrami and the rye bread, and I was hunting for a jar of dill pickle spears. As I walked past the aisles I was reading the food signs above each aisle, and I saw a sign that listed, among other things, “Nutritional Food.”

My thoughts instantly turned to: What?  They’re putting nutrition into food now? This store not only sells regular food, it sells food with nutrition in it! Does the government know about this? Is the government behind it? Will this spread to other stores? Soon all the food we buy may have nutrition!

I had to see what sort of food comes with a claim of built-in nutrition, so I walked down the aisle. And there it was: nutritional food. If you had made me guess beforehand what nutritional food is, I would never have guessed that it would be what I saw. What did I see?

I’m not telling unless someone leaves a comment. “Tell us, VirtualWayne, what manner of fodder was the store foisting off as having nutrition?” But use your own words. Then maybe I’ll tell you. Yup, I’m in a mood today.

Krewella

The song of the day is Alive from the album Get Wet by EDM duo Krewella (sisters Jahan Yousaf and Yasmine Yousaf).

Empire of the Sun

The song of the day is We Are The People by Australian music duo Empire of the Sun (Luke Steele, Nick Littlemore) .

601

“Kirstin Maldonado” was my 600th post on Blogger. And that's not counting the many posts I’ve removed for various reasons. This is post 601. I don’t know if there will be a post 602 on this blog. It’s kind of up to Google. They are the company that owns and runs Blogger.

This writer, like many others, uses a popular blogging tool called Windows Live Writer. Writer is a small program that makes blogging a lot easier than using Blogger’s built-in editor. But one day (May 26, 2015 to be specific) Google decided to change Blogger’s “authentication protocol.” (Don’t ask; I don’t know what it is either.) And suddenly, Writer was no longer able to publish a post to Blogger. Every time the Publish button is clicked, a small message window pops up and declares:

Blogger returned the following error:
NotFound: Not Found

And that’s that.

Oh, there was a great deal of wailing and moaning and gnashing of teeth from bloggers everywhere who demanded Google undo whatever manner of evil they had perpetrated on Writer. But it seems that it’s not just Writer that no longer works. From the complaints I’ve read on Blogger forums, it seems every blogging tool is no longer able to publish to Blogger.

Google’s response, so far, is to blame Microsoft. They say that Microsoft needs to fix Writer. With thousands of complaints pouring in, Google’s response can be summed up as, “Meh – not our problem.”

Meanwhile, Microsoft hasn’t said anything. But Writer is a freebie, and I think support has been discontinued. I suspect their attitude is, "Google broke it, let Google fix it." So it isn’t likely to be fixed.

I have options. I can post articles on Blogger using their built-in editor. Simple text-only articles wouldn’t be a problem. Articles with pictures would require more time and effort to create.

Or I can pick up my posts and trot them over (metaphorically) to another blogging platform where Writer still works. And I’ve done that. VirtualWayne has migrated to Wordpress, and you can view the blog here. It’s new and improved, as they say. Migrating to Wordpress is an action called “voting with one’s feet” (hence the “trot them over” metaphor).

601. It sounds like some kind of computer browser error code.

“404: Not Found.”
“503: Service Unavailable.”
“601: Something somewhere is broken.”

That's it. "601" is going to be a part of my lexicon.

Car won't start? You have a 601.
Battery blew up? 601.
TV won't turn on? "You got a 601, dude!"
Engine on fire? 601!!!

I like it already.

View this blog on Wordpress!

[Edit, June 2, 2015: Google has rolled back the “improvements” it had inflicted on Writer, and Writer is once again able to publish to Blogger. Woot, woot!]

Kirstin Maldonado

The song of the day is Say the Word, performed by Kirstin Maldonado of Pentatonix. She is singing for some of her fans on a Google Hangout video conference. The fans occasionally appear in the video. A longer version of the Hangout session is here.

Dino Lenny

The song of the day is Waiting for the Daylight (Dino Lenny remix) by London-based Italian DJ, singer, music producer, and record label owner (Frenetica) Dino Lenny (Dino Anthony Lanni).

The Fast Food Irritation

McDonald’s, the fast food chain, is losing customers, and their new CEO, Steve Easterbrook, is making changes to win back customers. And changes need to be made.

I like McDonald’s hamburgers – the little ones, not the Big Mac, not the Quarter Pounder, not the Double Quarter Pounder – I like the little under-a-dollar hamburgers and I’m often tempted to walk in and place an order for two hamburgers and a small order of fries. But I don’t any more.

For one thing, it seems like whenever I do place such an order at McDonald’s, I get the two burgers right away. They’re placed on a tray, and then the staff has to cook more French fries because they just ran out. So I stand there with my burgers getting cooler by the second. When I finally get my tray of food, and stop by the condiments counter for ketchup and salt, and put ice in my drink cup, followed by cola, and pick up a couple of napkins and make my way to a table, and sit down and tear open the salt and ketchup packages and apply their contents to the fries, and then unwrap one of the hamburgers and take a bite, the burger is by now just a fraction of a degree warmer than room temperature. And if they’re not actually out of French fries, they’ll find another way to ensure my burgers are not hot. Such as leaving the burgers in the hamburger bin for too long.

Then there was the time I went into the local McDonald’s and placed my order. Since I’ve mentioned this in a previous post, allow me to quote, ah, me.

“Two hamburgers, small fries, small diet, for here.”

The counter girl punched in the order and took my payment. Then she meandered over to a stainless steel bin and picked up one cheeseburger. She meandered back to the counter and placed the cheeseburger on my food tray. The reason I knew it was a cheeseburger is because printed on the wrapper in inch-tall, cheese-yellow letters was the word “CHEESEBURGER”.

“I asked for two hamburgers,” I reminded the counter girl.

“Oh yeah,” she replied, and returned to the food bin, picked up another cheeseburger, and placed it on my tray beside the first cheeseburger.

“Aren’t those cheeseburgers?” I asked, trying to be helpful. The counter girl looked down, dumbfounded, at the cheeseburgers on my tray. An older employee working nearby said to her, “Those are cheeseburgers. Hamburgers are in the brown wrappers.” Then she turned to me and said in a confidential tone, “She’s new.”

New? That’s a very generous euphemism. When you tell the order-taker that she has your order wrong, and she reacts like you’re speaking Latin … well, Houston, we have a problem. Or rather, Mr. Easterbrook has a problem. Nowadays, when I want a hamburger with mustard, ketchup, pickles, and onion, I make one in my kitchen. It’s always hot and it never turns out to be a cheeseburger.

Jessie Ware

The song of the day is Tough Love, the lead single from the album Tough Love by English singer-songwriter Jessie Ware.

Etherwood

The song of the day is English musical duo (David Kennet, Jack Stevens) Spectrasoul’s remix of Hold Your Breath by English musician Etherwood.

The Lost Chord

This little piece of history is explained in detail on Wikipedia. The song “The Lost Chord” was composed in 1877 by British composer Arthur Sullivan at the bedside of his very ill brother Fred, who died five days later. Sullivan later said, “I have composed much music since then, but have never written a second Lost Chord."

But the part of this particular piece of history that I find interesting involves the introduction of Thomas Edison’s phonograph to London, which included a recording of The Lost Chord, one of the first recordings of music ever made. Afterward, Sullivan recorded a speech to Thomas Edison, saying in part,

I can only say that I am astonished and somewhat terrified at the result of this evening's experiments: astonished at the wonderful power you have developed, and terrified at the thought that so much hideous and bad music may be put on record forever. But all the same I think it is the most wonderful thing that I have ever experienced, and I congratulate you with all my heart on this wonderful discovery.

“Hideous and bad music put on record forever”: well said, Mr. Sullivan.

Steve Aoki & Machine Gun Kelly

The song of the day is Free Your Mind by electro house musician and producer Steve Aoki featuring rapper Machine Gun Kelly (Colson Baker).

The Label Contemplation

I don’t usually read bottle labels, but I was in my bathroom shower preparing to cleanse my scaly bod, and as I reached for the liquid body wash I happened to notice the fine print on the label:

For an exhilarating clean, shower with…

There may be something wrong with me, because I can truthfully say that bathing has never made me feel exhilarated. Clean, yes. Exhilarated, no.

Deep cleansers remove dirt…

Exactly what is a “deep” cleanser? Because, I don’t want to use any cleanser that goes deeper than the surface of my skin. If it goes deeper than my skin, it’s too freakin’ deep.

Special moisturizers hydrate the skin.

Not any old moisturizers, mind you, but special moisturizers! How is a special moisturizer different from a regular moisturizer? I’d call the factory and ask, but I have a feeling they would just say, “Huh?”

DIRECTIONS: 1. Pump   2. Lather   3. Rinse

How stupid do you have to be to not know how to use soap? Seriously.

For external use only.

Really? I shouldn’t drink liquid soap? Huh.

My brain does this all the time. Shampoo directions: Apply, Lather, Rinse. Good to know; I had planned to rinse first. Furniture polish: Point can at furniture, spray, wipe off with clean cloth. Good thing I read the label; I had planned to wipe it off with a grease-soaked rag.

Rather than just accept glib marketing slogans and stupid label directions as regular people appear to do, my brain has to be a critic, always looking for the stupidity. And that is why I don’t read labels. Wasp killer: I assume I spray it at the wasp nest. Weed killer: I assume I spray it on weeds. Upholstery cleaner: I assume I spray it on the upholstery and wipe it off. But I could be wrong on all counts. I guess one day I should read the labels, but I think I know what they will say. Don’t get it in your eyes. Don’t breathe it. Don’t swallow it. Use gloves. Test on an inconspicuous area. For external use only. Yeah, yeah, I get it. It’s chemicals – not rocket science.

Mr. Probz (Robin Schulz remix)

The song of the day is German DJ and producer Robin Schulz’s remix of Waves by singer-songwriter-rapper Mr Probz (Dennis Princewell Stehr).

Alesso

The song of the day is Heroes (we could be) by Swedish DJ Alesso (Alessandro Lindblad) with vocals by Swedish singer-songwriter Tove Lo.

Time Is Running Out

I was tearing up some junk mail and a small fragment of torn paper fluttered to the floor. I reached down and picked it up, and as I did, I noticed the words that were printed on it.It was a small epiphany. I had to agree with the little fragment, and I marveled at its significance and the certainty of its message. Time is indeed running out. Time runs out for all of us, eventually. It’s something we should keep in mind every day, and when we get out of bed in the morning we should ask ourselves, “Knowing time is running out, how shall I live my life today?”

Klingande

The song of the day is Jubel by French deep house producer Klingande (born Cédric Steinmyller).

Tove Lo

The song of the day is Out Of Mind from the album Queen Of The Clouds by Swedish singer-songwriter Tove Lo.

Tons of Sunshine

This morning the weather lady on a local TV station stated there would be “tons of sunshine” today. I thought, “Really? Tons of sunshine?” Sunshine isn’t very heavy. Let’s see how much it weighs on just my state, the Commonwealth of Virginia.

The pressure of light on the ground is highest at high noon, when the sun is closest to being directly overhead. It really isn’t directly overhead – not on May 20 in Virginia. But to keep the math simple, I will assume it is. This is just an approximate calculation.

The distance to the sun is 92.96 million miles, or 149,600,000 kilometers, and a kilometer is one thousand meters. Using scientific notation, the distance to the sun is 1.496e+11 m.

Virginia has an area of 110,785 square kilometers and a square kilometer is one million square meters. Using scientific notation, Virginia has an area of 1.10785e+12 m².

Radiation pressure is P_rad = (2 x I)/c
where I is Intensity and c is speed of light (3e+8 m/s)

I = power/area = power/(4 x pi x r²)

The power emitted by the sun in the form of EM waves (visible light, infrared, ultraviolet, etc.) is 4e+26 Watts. So the intensity at the earth-sun distance is,

I = 4e+26 W/(4 x 3.14 x 2.24e+22 m²) = 1.42e+3 W/m²

Now that we have the intensity, we can calculate radiation pressure,

P_rad = (2 x I)/c = (2 x 1.42e+3 W/m²)/3e+8 m/s = 9.47e-6 Newton (per m²)

(A Newton is the force required to accelerate a mass of 1 kilogram to a rate of 1 meter per second per second. 1 N = 1 kg⋅m/s²)

The force associated with the radiation pressure is F_rad = P_rad x A,
where P_rad is the radiation pressure and A is the area receiving sunlight.

F_rad = 9.47e-6 N/m² x 1.10785e+12 m² = 1.05e+7 Newtons

1 Newton = 0.2248 pounds so, converting from metric to avoirdupois units,

F_rad = 2.36e+6 lb = 1180 tons.

It appears the weather lady was correct; we did get “tons of sunshine” today. How did she know? The weather lady must have done the math, too.

Next time she should probably simply say that we will be having a sunny day.
There’s a lot less math.

Zedd

The song of the day is Clarity by Russian-German musician Zedd (Anton Zaslavski) with vocals by English singer Foxes (Louisa Rose Allen).

Yelle

In lieu of his usual sparkling and relevant commentary, this blogger decided to get a colonoscopy this morning. You wouldn’t think that a day of fasting while drinking a gallon of diarrhea-inducing chemical solution followed by arising at 5 AM to drink MORE laxative followed by getting snaked while under general anesthesia would completely remove the desire to write a blog post. But it really does.

The song of the day is S'éteint Le Soleil (Extinguishing The Sun) by French band Yelle, with vocals by lead singer and namesake Yelle (Julie Budet).

Forte

The song of the day is Ariana Grande’s Why Try performed by high school a cappella group Forte, featuring lead vocals by Kirstin Maldonado of Pentatonix. You will want to believe there are instruments in this performance, but there are voices only.

In Levels, Avicii Channels Sisyphus

Sisyphus was a king in Greek mythology. After he tricked the gods (of Mount Olympus) several times, the gods became angry and punished him by making him roll a heavy boulder up a steep mountain. But Zeus, King of the Gods, enchanted the boulder so that every time it got near the summit, it would roll away from Sisyphus and roll back down the mountain. So Sisyphus had to start over, again and again, forever. The punishment of Sisyphus was unending, meaningless work.

The following video is a short clip from Avicii’s music video Levels. (I have removed the sound.) In the music video, a man has a job that he hates. But then he becomes infected with dancing mania. He is taken to a hospital and put in restraints to prevent him from dancing. He dreams he has the same unending, meaningless job Sisyphus had. But at the same time, he is mouthing the words we hear Etta James sing at the beginning of Something’s Got A Hold On Me.

“Ohhh, sometimes, I get a good feeling, yeah
I get a feeling that I never never never never had before, no no
I get a good feeling, yeah”

Why does this man have a good feeling even while doing a difficult task that seems endless and unfulfilling?

In 1957, Albert Camus wrote a philosophical essay titled The Myth of Sisyphus. Camus imagined that Sisyphus’ fate and endless toil were not futile. He wrote, “If the descent [i.e., Sisyphus' returning to the bottom of the mountain to start pushing the rock upward all over again] is sometimes performed in sorrow, it can also take place in joy." And "The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.”

At the video’s end, the man escapes from his restraints and infects others with dancing mania. Soon, everyone has a feeling they never, never had before.

What does the music video mean? Avicii seems to say that with the right attitude you can have joy, even in the midst of a day-to-day routine that appears unrewarding and repetitive. And that joy can be contagious.

Rudimental

The song of the day is Waiting All Night by English drum and bass quartet Rudimental featuring English singer-songwriter Ella Eyre (Ella McMahon). The music video is the true life-story of BMX champion and actor Kurt Yaeger, who became an amputee after a motorcycle accident in 2006. While attending school in San Francisco (his home town) a car ran him off the road. He hit a pole and went over a 40-foot embankment and landed beside a freeway. From Wikipedia:

“His left leg was amputated, his right anterior cruciate ligament and medial collateral ligament were torn, his pelvis was torn in half along with his bladder, seven vertebra were broken, his lungs collapsed, multiple ribs were broken, and he suffered a severe concussion. One year later, Yaeger made a full recovery, returning to his acting career.”

The other cyclists in the music video are professional BMX’ers and friends of Yaeger.

Wilkinson

The song of the day is Afterglow by Australia-born, English singer-songwriter Mark Wilkinson, with uncredited vocals by English singer-songwriter Becky Hill.

Dreams

I had a dream this morning. It was a complete story. It had a plot. It had several characters, including a protagonist and an antagonist. It began and ended in a jailhouse, and there was a surprise plot twist at the end. If I were a writer and could remember all of it in detail, I could sit down and write a short story. But alas, I’m not a writer. Well, not that kind, anyway.

Many things have come to people in their dreams. Songs, novels, and inventions have been inspired by dreams. Nobel prizes have been won because of dreams.

Mary Shelley’s novel Frankenstein was inspired by a dream. Robert Louis Stevenson dreamed the plot of his novel Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Stephanie Myer wrote the Twilight novels after meeting the characters in a dream.

Director James Cameron encountered the cyborg assassin The Terminator in a fever dream.

The tune for Yesterday came to Paul McCartney in a dream. Keith Richards dreamed the riff to the song (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction.

French philosopher and mathematician René Descartes dreamed the basis of a new philosophy called the scientific method.

James Watson dreamed the double-helix structure of DNA. Friedrich Kekulé dreamed the structure of benzene.

Elias Howe invented the sewing machine after getting the idea of how it would work in a dream.

U.S. President Abraham Lincoln dreamed of being assassinated three straight nights preceding the day of his assassination.

Scientists have theories about why we dream, but no one knows for certain.

I’ve written several times about my own dreams, including dreams in which people spoke to me in another language, and dreams in which I was aware I was dreaming (lucid dreams).

One night I had a long dream, woke up in the morning, and went about my day. Then, I then woke up, again – I had only been dreaming I was awake. So I went about my day, again. And then, I woke up for the third time.

I think I’m awake now and typing an article about dreams. But I can’t be sure that I won’t simply wake up and just say, “Damn!”

Foxes

The song of the day is Let Go For Tonight from the album Glorious by English singer-songwriter Foxes (Louisa Rose Allen).

Pharmacy Future

I drove to the pharmacy to pick up a medicine. The pharmacy clerk put it into a bag and said, “You’ll have to step over here for a consult.” I walked around a partition and stood in the consultation booth. A woman in a white “lab coat” – I assumed she was a pharmacist – walked over to me.

“Any questions?” she asked.

“No, I’ve taken this before.”

“Be sure to take this with food,” she warned.

I drove home and unpackaged and examined the medicine bottle. The computer-generated label, which carries essential information and warnings for every medicine the pharmacy sells, stated: “This medicine may be taken with or without food.”

Hmm. Who to believe, the human or the computer that printed the label? A computer named Big Blue defeated the world’s reigning chess champion, Garry Kasparov, at his own game. A computer named Watson was able to handily defeat former Jeopardy champions on a regular basis. Computers have even won the board game Go, arguably more difficult than chess, playing against expert human players.

Sorry, you poor, obsolete, pharmacy humanoid. The machine wins this round, just as it will win all future rounds. I wonder: for how many more years will pharmacies have human workers? I foresee a not-very-distant future where the customer talks to a robot and, when it comes to medications, the robot will be far more knowledgeable than any human could hope to be. I foresee a future where that will happen in a great many occupations.

Run, pharmacy humanoid. The future is coming so you better run.

Ji Nilsson & Marlene

The song of the day is Love You Anyway by Swedish singers Ji Nilsson & Marlene. They wrote the lyrics, co-wrote the music with Martin Sjølie, and produced the music.

Twenty One Pilots

The song of the day is Stressed Out from the album Blurryface by Twenty One Pilots.

On Fleek

The latest slang is “fleek.” Here’s an example:

“I just got my eyebrows done, what do you think?”
“Dude! Your eyebrows are on fleek!”

I only report these things, I don’t try to understand them. Nor do I try to explain them. If you don’t know the meaning of fleek, you are so last month. But fortunately for you, there is a video that will tell you all you want to know – and much more than I wanted to know – about fleek.

Trixie Whitley

The song of the day is Breathe You In My Dreams, written and performed by Belgium-born American multi-instrumentalist Trixie Whitley. She is the daughter of singer-songwriter Chris Whitley.

Laundry Day

I’m departing from my usual habit of posting remarkably readable and informative articles to report that I’m doing laundry this morning. And why am I doing laundry?  Because I didn’t do it yesterday when I knew full well that I was out of clean underwear and needed to wash my dirty laundry. My brain was gripped, as it often is nowadays, by the logic of “why do today what can be put off until tomorrow?” And now, having completed my morning ablutions, I am in need of said clean but currently unavailable clothing. So here I sit, waiting for the washer to finish its job, whereupon I’ll transfer the wet garments into the dryer, switch it on, and begin the process of converting my clothing into dryer lint. Don’t blame me for this post. I told a fellow writer I was having writer’s block and he told me I should write anyway. That’s my excuse for writing this. What’s your excuse for reading it to the end? Nothing better to do? That’s just a little sad.

Shura

The song of the day is Touch by British singer, songwriter, producer Shura (Aleksandra Denton).

Food Label Fractions

Why do food companies have to screw around with the public when it comes to their nutrition labels? A can of soup that should contain two servings is labeled as 2.5 servings. A can of stew that should contain three servings is labeled as 3.5 servings. I run into this kind of thing constantly. Yesterday I bought a package of baked chicken strips. There are nine chicken strips per package. Common sense would suggest that a serving is three strips and there are therefore three servings per package. Is that what the label says? No. The label says a serving is two chicken strips and that there are 4.5 servings per package. I’m surprised that a carton of 12 eggs doesn’t say a serving is 2/3 of an egg, and that the carton therefore contains 18 servings.

Of course, we all know why they do this. They do it to whittle down the number of calories per serving, with the additional benefit of appearing to offer more food per container. But no one is going to eat a half serving. All their whittling does is make it more difficult to know how many calories you’re eating. Instead of glancing at the label, you have to pull out your calculator. Hello, food companies: you’re just annoying us. Please stop.

Rhye

The song of the day is Open by LA duo Rhye. Rhye is composed of Canadian singer Michael Milosh and Danish instrumentalist Robin Hannibal. This performance was recorded live off the floor of The Fortress studio in LA. The video is random clips recorded during a tour across Europe and the US.

New Rule

I was Skyping with my amigo CyberDave, and he was imbibing some manner of flavored ethanol, and I remembered I had one ounce of my own remaining, so I poured it into the large mug of lemonade I was sipping and tossed the bottle into the recycle bin. After I got off Skype and ate lunch (a pastrami on rye), I decided to drive to the ABC and purchase a refill. The sky looked ominous as I walked out the back door. The ‘C is only 5 minutes from my house and I was a minute from the store when raindrops began hitting my windshield. I pulled into the parking lot and the raindrops began hitting harder. They were big, fat raindrops that splattered noisily when they hit. I knew this was only a passing shower. I got out of the Jeep and walked to the door of the ‘C. It was locked. This was the first time I had been to the ‘C on a Sunday, and I realized their Sunday opening hour must be different. I looked for their business hours sign and saw they would be open from 1 to 6. Open at 1 PM: a concession to the church-going part of the public. I looked at my watch: 12:45. That’s okay, Martin’s grocery is on the other side of the shopping center, and I needed a few things from there, anyway. So I walked over and went inside.

Right away, I saw a new display. Martin’s is now selling plastic wine glasses that come prefilled with wine. I realize that Americans love convenience, but this feels like a stretch. Isn’t taking out a corkscrew and opening a bottle of wine and pouring the wine into a glass all a part of the cachet of drinking wine? Ritual and tradition are important aspects of certain things. I guess the corporate thinking is: If the public is willing to purchase wine in plastic bags inside of cardboard boxes, why not offer them wine inside a sealed plastic glass for three bucks? I understand their reasoning, but I wouldn’t offer a dinner date a sealed plastic glass prefilled with cheap wine. (Allow me to peel off that plastic lid for you, sweetheart.) Some things fail because they are ahead of their time. This may be a product whose time never comes.

I went through the self-checkout and walked back to my Jeep. As I got close I had to walk between an auto and a new-looking, white pickup truck. The truck’s driver was sitting behind the steering wheel, and as I passed the open driver’s window I saw him guzzling from a liquor bottle in a brown paper bag. Ah, the ABC must be open. I stashed my groceries in my Jeep, and as I turned to walk to the ‘C once more, I saw Mr. Pickup Driver stashing his liquor bottle behind his seat. He turned back around and saw me looking at him. “How you doing?” he asked. I gave him a thumbs up.

The ‘C had one register open and the longest line of customers I think I have ever seen there. I presume all their regulars had run dry by 1 PM and had been itching to get inside. New rule: Never go to the ABC within an hour of their opening. And if that rule ever becomes inconvenient, I’ll know it’s past time to dial back the alcohol.

Rita Ora

The song of the day is I Will Never Let You Down by Kosovo-born British singer Rita Ora. It was written and produced by Scottish singer, songwriter, producer and DJ Calvin Harris.

The Grass Seed Complexity

I have a yard full of weeds. If I put down weed killer, I suspect I’ll have a yard full of dirt with patches of grass here and there. So first I’d like to plant grass. But what kind of grass?

There are a number of varieties, and new varieties come out all the time. Within each variety of grass there are sub-varieties.

There’s Bahiagrass and Bentgrass, Bermudagrass and Centipedegrass. There’s Fescue and Kentucky Bluegrass and Ryegrass. There’s St. Augustinegrass and Zoysiagrass.

Within a variety there are sub-varieties. Take Fescue: there is Tall Fescue and Fine Fescue. There is Creeping Red Fescue and Hard Fescue. There’s Chewings Fescue and Sheep Fescue.

Within the sub-varieties there are sub-sub-varieties and blends. Want to plant a Tall Fescue? There’s Georgia 51 and Kentucky 31 and Titan RX. Want a blend? There’s Defiance XRE, Titan LTD, Defiance XRE/Blue, Rebel Shade, Greystone, and Pennington's Smart Seed, to name a few. There’s Dense Shade, Rebel Tall, Smart Tall, T.L.C. Tall, and Titan Fescue/Bluegrass. And these are just some of the Tall Fescue varieties and blends.

Every variety and sub-variety has its strengths and weaknesses. Some like hot, humid weather, some thrive in cold weather. Some like lots of sun, some grow well in shade. Some are high maintenance, requiring a lot of water and fertilizer. Some are eco-friendly and grow well with occasional rain and infrequent fertilizing.

I already know what will happen. The more research I do, the less I will know. I’ll develop brain fatigue: it’s all very confusing. So I will go to Home Depot or Lowe’s, and I’ll wander around looking at bags of grass seed, and I’ll ask someone who has worked there for maybe two weeks what he/she would recommend, and that person, who has done far less research on the subject than I have done, will hand me a bag of seed and say, “Try this.”

And I will.

Wiz Khalifa & Charlie Puth

The song of the day is See You Again performed by rapper Wiz Khalifa with vocals and piano by Charlie Puth. The song was written as a tribute to the late Paul Walker and was featured in the film Furious 7. The song reached #1 in seventeen countries.

Vast Wasteland

I complained to a fellow writer that lately I’ve had nothing to blog about. Actually, that’s been true for as long as I’ve been blogging, but until now, having nothing to write about hasn’t stopped me from writing. But now, for some reason, I feel my blog posts must really pop or I don’t publish them.

Having no writing ideas, I turned on the television for some mindless distraction. A talk show was airing. It featured several women sitting at a table and discussing the most mundane subjects. After a few minutes it occurred to me, “These women have nothing interesting to talk about, yet despite that they’re talking, and they’re on television and earning big bucks for blathering about nothing of consequence.” Then I turned off the television. Suddenly, I felt better about my blog.

In a 1961 speech to a convention of the National Association of Broadcasters, FCC chairman Newton Minow referred to American commercial television programming as a “vast wasteland.”

"When television is good, nothing — not the theater, not the magazines or newspapers — nothing is better.

But when television is bad, nothing is worse. I invite each of you to sit down in front of your own television set when your station goes on the air and stay there, for a day, without a book, without a magazine, without a newspaper, without a profit and loss sheet or a rating book to distract you. Keep your eyes glued to that set until the station signs off. I can assure you that what you will observe is a vast wasteland.

You will see a procession of game shows, formula comedies about totally unbelievable families, blood and thunder, mayhem, violence, sadism, murder, western bad men, western good men, private eyes, gangsters, more violence, and cartoons. And endlessly commercials — many screaming, cajoling, and offending. And most of all, boredom. True, you'll see a few things you will enjoy. But they will be very, very few. And if you think I exaggerate, I only ask you to try it."

There were three networks in 1961. How many cable and satellite channels are there now? Hundreds. But I would say that not a lot has changed except the “vast wasteland” is more vast than ever. And yet there is still a large audience. People complain, “I get 150 channels on my TV and there’s nothing to watch.” But they turn on their televisions and watch anyway.

Television shows aren’t written by Hemingway and Faulkner, and neither are blogs. No one wants to be a part of a vast wasteland even if that’s how it ends up. So I can leave this page blank or I can put words on it. And my words may make some people yawn, but maybe a few will think, “I could write a more interesting blog/novel/short story/screenplay/children’s book than the stuff I’m reading.” And among those few, maybe one person will decide to try. To that person, I say, “Go for it.” Worst case, you end up a part of the vast wasteland and you discover you have a lot of company. Best case … who knows where that road will take you, but it will be an interesting ride.

Marian Hill

The song of the day is Lovit by Marian Hill. Marian Hill is a Philadelphia duo consisting of producer Jeremy Lloyd and singer Samantha Gongol.

Neon Jungle

The song of the day is Louder from the album Welcome To The Jungle by the British girl group Neon Jungle. (Coincidentally, Welcome To The Jungle is also the name of a single from the album Appetite for Destruction by Guns N’ Roses, as well as the name of a single by Jay Z & Kanye West.)

Kygo and Conrad

Today is “Cinco de Mayo” (Spanish for “fifth of May”), a day of celebration for Mexicans and Mexican-Americans. It commemorates the Mexican Army’s victory over French forces at the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862.

The song of the day is Firestone by Norwegian DJ Kygo (Kyrre Gørvell-Dahll) with vocals by Australian singer-songwriter Conrad (Conrad Sewell).

Bartolomeo Cristofori

Today – May 4, 2015 – is Bartolomeo Cristofori di Francesco’s 360th birthday. Who was Bartolomeo Cristofori di Francesco, you may be thinking. He was an Italian maker of musical instruments. Bartolomeo also invented several musical instruments. He invented two keyboard instruments before starting work on an invention that is still popular today: the piano.

Bartolomeo wanted his invention to be called an "arpicembalo". The term “piano” comes from a phrase in an inventory book:

“nuova inventione, che fa' il piano, e il forte”
(“new invention that produces soft and loud”)

Piano and forte are Italian words for “soft” and “loud” respectively. Over time, the phrase was shortened to pianoforte, and when the word entered the English language it was further shortened to piano. Bartolomeo built a number of pianos during his life, continually improving the instrument. Three of his pianos have survived to the present time, but two are in such poor condition they cannot be played, while the third has been so extensively altered during “restorations” that the original sound has been lost.

Thanks for your invention, Bartolomeo. Few things sound so nice.

Tori Kelly

The song of the day is Unbreakable Smile from the album Unbreakable Smile by Tori Kelly (Victoria Loren Kelly).


Another song from the album is Nobody Love. The album is set to be released on June 23, 2015.

Kiesza

The song of the day is Hideaway from the album Sound Of A Woman by Canadian singer Kiesza. The song was released in January, 2014, and the video has racked up a stunning 223 million views. The video was shot in the streets of Brooklyn in one take after 3 days of rehearsal. At the time, Kiesza was nursing a broken rib. She says Navy boot camp taught her to push through limits.

Rihanna

The song of the day is American Oxygen by Barbadian singer Rihanna. The song was inspired by Bruce Springsteen’s 1984 single Born In The USA.

May Day

As I type this, the date is May 1. Also called May Day. Also called International Workers’ Day to commemorate the Haymarket Affair in Chicago. Also, on this day in 1942 the US government seized the nation’s jukebox factories and instructed them to produce war materials. But enough history.

I drove to Walmart just before noon. I felt like eating pizza for lunch and their deli pizzas are pretty decent. I also picked up a seafood salad, the one topped with faux lobster – or more properly, surimi. Surimi is a Japanese word that means “ground meat.” In this case, the ground meat is a white fleshed fish such as pollock that has been pulverized into a thick, gelatinous paste. Then other stuff – spices, oils, egg whites, even other fish – are added to make the surimi taste like crab or lobster or whatever.

As I left the store, I made a new rule for myself: never go to Walmart on the first day of the month. Of course, if everybody observes that rule and we all go there on the 2nd day, then the rule doesn’t accomplish anything. So I’ll go on the 2nd, and all you guys: keep going on the 1st of the month like you do now.