New Rule

I was Skyping with my amigo CyberDave, and he was imbibing some manner of flavored ethanol, and I remembered I had one ounce of my own remaining, so I poured it into the large mug of lemonade I was sipping and tossed the bottle into the recycle bin. After I got off Skype and ate lunch (a pastrami on rye), I decided to drive to the ABC and purchase a refill. The sky looked ominous as I walked out the back door. The ‘C is only 5 minutes from my house and I was a minute from the store when raindrops began hitting my windshield. I pulled into the parking lot and the raindrops began hitting harder. They were big, fat raindrops that splattered noisily when they hit. I knew this was only a passing shower. I got out of the Jeep and walked to the door of the ‘C. It was locked. This was the first time I had been to the ‘C on a Sunday, and I realized their Sunday opening hour must be different. I looked for their business hours sign and saw they would be open from 1 to 6. Open at 1 PM: a concession to the church-going part of the public. I looked at my watch: 12:45. That’s okay, Martin’s grocery is on the other side of the shopping center, and I needed a few things from there, anyway. So I walked over and went inside.

Right away, I saw a new display. Martin’s is now selling plastic wine glasses that come prefilled with wine. I realize that Americans love convenience, but this feels like a stretch. Isn’t taking out a corkscrew and opening a bottle of wine and pouring the wine into a glass all a part of the cachet of drinking wine? Ritual and tradition are important aspects of certain things. I guess the corporate thinking is: If the public is willing to purchase wine in plastic bags inside of cardboard boxes, why not offer them wine inside a sealed plastic glass for three bucks? I understand their reasoning, but I wouldn’t offer a dinner date a sealed plastic glass prefilled with cheap wine. (Allow me to peel off that plastic lid for you, sweetheart.) Some things fail because they are ahead of their time. This may be a product whose time never comes.

I went through the self-checkout and walked back to my Jeep. As I got close I had to walk between an auto and a new-looking, white pickup truck. The truck’s driver was sitting behind the steering wheel, and as I passed the open driver’s window I saw him guzzling from a liquor bottle in a brown paper bag. Ah, the ABC must be open. I stashed my groceries in my Jeep, and as I turned to walk to the ‘C once more, I saw Mr. Pickup Driver stashing his liquor bottle behind his seat. He turned back around and saw me looking at him. “How you doing?” he asked. I gave him a thumbs up.

The ‘C had one register open and the longest line of customers I think I have ever seen there. I presume all their regulars had run dry by 1 PM and had been itching to get inside. New rule: Never go to the ABC within an hour of their opening. And if that rule ever becomes inconvenient, I’ll know it’s past time to dial back the alcohol.