Spring Arrives

Today is March 20, 2017 – the first day of spring. This means I can mow my yard, which has needed mowing for a month. We had a warm February that allowed the grass to grow sufficiently that some of my neighbors mowed their yards a month ago. But I refuse to mow my yard in winter. It’s a little eccentricity that I justify by the fact that I live in central Virginia, not Florida. Virginia has cold winters, despite the occasional mid-winter warm spell (and here I’m thinking of the famous “January thaw”). Winters are a downside to living in Virginia. I have to burn heating oil. I have to wear a coat outside the house. I have to shovel snow. There’s no “fun in the sun” – it’s winter. There should be an upside to winter, and one upside I insist upon is that I don’t have to mow grass. But that changes today.

First, I’ll remove the mower blades from beneath the deck of my lawn tractor and sharpen them. This is necessary because last summer someone placed a brick in tall grass behind my garage. I couldn’t see the brick (tall grass, remember) and consequently I drove my mower over it. The mower blades chewed the brick to bits with a hellacious racket as the pieces of brick churned out by the blades rebounded off the inside of the mower’s deck and back into the blades for further chewing. The mower blades had (past tense) thin, sharp edges and they took quite a beating from the brick. Of course, the mower continued to cut grass. I could put the blades on backward and they would still shorten grass. But the process would be more of a tearing, ripping, and mangling than cleanly cutting the blades of grass. So there’s that.

And I no longer have an excuse to not scrape and paint over peeling paint on my house’s exterior woodwork. And will the window air conditioner that is 22 years old operate for one more summer? And dandelions are sprouting in the yard, and the yard needs fertilizer, and weed killer, and grass seed.

I should be doing yard work right now, but this blog post isn’t going to write itself. Priorities, you know. I can do yard work tomorrow, but there’s only one first day of spring.

They Might Be Giants

The song of the day is 2013's You're On Fire from the album Nanobots by alternative rock band They Might Be Giants featuring band co-founders John Flansburgh and John Linnel. The band’s name, They Might Be Giants, is also the title of a 1971 movie that starred George C. Scott and Joanne Woodward.

The Bologna Complexity

I went to the store today and came home with several bags of food. Among the food was a loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter, and a package of bologna. When I was a kid I often made peanut butter and bologna sandwiches for school lunch and enjoyed eating them every time. I’m sure that has a certain yuck-factor for some people. But don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it. Many’s the day I sat in the school’s cafeteria, opened my brown paper lunch bag, and pulled out a peanut butter and bologna sandwich and a moon pie for dessert. Even today, far removed in time from my school days, the sandwich makes a quick and tasty snack enhanced, for me, with a bit of nostalgia.

Factoid: The sausage called bologna is named after the city in Italy where it was invented: Bologna (pronounced “boloan-ya”).

Many people pronounce bologna (as well as spell it) baloney. But technically, baloney is a different word with a different meaning. It means nonsense, as in “that’s a bunch of baloney.”

I’ve read that the name bologna is restricted to regions of northern Italy, and if you go south and ask for bologna, people won’t know what you’re talking about. In southern Italy, the same sausage is called mortadella. I suspect neither bologna nor mortadella are much like American bologna.

Bottom line: baloney can be sausage or it can be nonsense, but bologna is always sausage.

[UPDATE]
Upon reading this post, my amigo and fellow blogger CyberDave asked me if I have ever eaten a peanut butter and fried-bologna sandwich. I admitted I had not. I like fried bologna and think it’s tastier than bologna straight from the package, so I decided to try it. The result was both unexpected and disappointing. I could not taste the bologna on my sandwich. The bologna was hot from the frying pan and I could detect its warmth on my tongue, but as for taste: nothing. Much of what we call taste is actually smell, and it appears the frying process reduced the meat’s aroma. Oh well.

Equador

The song of the day is Bones of Man from the 2016 album Bones of Man by Equador (Henry Binns of English duo Zero 7, Binns’ wife, English singer-songwriter Catherine Anna Brudenell-Bruce a.k.a. Bo Bruce, and English pop/experimental songwriter, producer and bassist Jodi Millner).

Kilometer

A meter (spelled metre in Britain) is a unit of length equal to 39.37 inches. A kilometer is a unit of length equal to one thousand meters or about six tenths of a mile. It seems like a great many people don’t know how to pronounce the word. The correct pronunciation is kil-uh-mee-der (emphasis on the first syllable). A common mispronunciation is kuh-lom-uh-der (emphasis on the second syllable). That is incorrect.

Words containing meter usually indicate either length or a measuring instrument. Common units of length in the metric system include nanometer, micrometer (micron), millimeter, centimeter, decimeter, meter, dekameter, hectometer, and of course, kilometer. There are additional prefixes for the word meter to indicate both larger and smaller lengths than those already mentioned. All these various forms of meter have two things in common: all indicate length, and all have emphasis on the first syllable. So: mil-uh-mee-der, cent-uh-mee-der, des-uh-mee-der, and so on to kil-uh-mee-der.

Another usage of the word meter is to indicate a measuring device, as in thermometer, pedometer, speedometer, accelerometer, anemometer, barometer, and chronometer, to name just a few. All these forms of meter have two things in common: all are measuring instruments, and all have emphasis on the “om” syllable. So: ther-mom-uh-der, buh-rom-uh-der, puh-dom-uh-der, spee-dom-uh-der, and so on.

To recap, if you pronounce kilometer like kuh-lom-uh-der, then you are pronouncing the word as if you were speaking of a measuring instrument. If you want to properly pronounce the word that means one thousand meters, then you say kil-uh-mee-der. Every time I hear someone on TV say kuh-lom-uh-der, I wince. (Well, mentally I wince.) And I say out loud to the TV, “It’s kil-uh-mee-der, not kuh-lom-uh-der, moron.” But I know I’m speaking to the wind.

Factoid: U.S. military personnel commonly use the slang word klick to mean kilometer (as in, 20 klicks north of the river). Sometimes they use klicks (plural) to mean kilometers per hour.

Fast Food

In a recent post, I described a trip to a local fast food restaurant that I didn’t identify, but which I called Burger Tycoon. In this post, I’m going to describe a trip to another anonymous fast food franchise. I’ll call it Mindy’s.

At the suggestion of a friend, I tried Mindy’s fish fillet sandwich. Not surprisingly, it didn't look a lot like the picture on their website. The breading on the fillet was dark brown as if the fillet had been in the fryer too long. (I admit the possibility that it’s supposed to look like it’s been in the fryer too long.) The fillet also appeared thinner than the similar Mickey D's fillet but, as I haven’t applied calipers to either fillet nor examined them side-by-side, that’s only an opinion.

The Mindy’s fillet tasted much like a Mickey D fillet. (Mindy's fish is cod. Mickey D's fish is pollock. The two fish are similar in flavor and texture and most people can’t tell the difference.) Mindy’s fish was topped with tartar sauce, lettuce, and pickles. The lettuce and pickles were a nice touch. Mickey D tops their fish with cheese and tartar sauce (though perhaps they’ll throw in pickles and lettuce if you bribe the cashier).

Speaking of cheese, it seems many Americans think a fast-food entrée can be improved by adding a slice of American cheese, whereas I'm of the opposite opinion: cheese should be reserved for patty melts, Reubens, and grilled cheese sandwiches. And pizza. Nothing should have American cheese on it. Is it even real cheese? Or is it some kind of “cheese-like product”?

My french fries had no salt or other seasoning on them. Lots of fast food places have trouble with french fries. You never know what you’ll get. They might be hot; they might be just warm. They might be salted; they might be unsalted. And the local Mindy's is slow, considering their product is called fast food. Standing in line to order, the man ahead of me turned his head my way and muttered, "Must be shift change." I replied, "No, this place is always this slow." There was only one customer ahead of him, but it seemed like it took her ten minutes to place an order. The man eventually got to the register and placed his order. Then I stepped forward and placed my order. I moved down the counter to wait for my food and forgot about the man who had spoken to me. After a while I turned and saw him standing behind me. I couldn’t help asking the obvious: "Are you still waiting for your order?" He answered, "Yep."

My opinion of Mindy’s food is this: like all fast food, it is what it is. One day it’s pretty good. Another day it’s not as good. Fast food is for when you want to put something in your stomach and be on your way. If it’s delicious, that’s a bonus. It will satisfy your stomach and – if you’re not picky and the cook is having a good day – it may satisfy your taste buds, too.

Factoid: The word filet is usually applied to meats, whereas fillet is usually applied to fish, but it is correct usage to apply either word to meats OR fish.

Russia-gate

Donald Trump is demanding Congress investigate former president Obama for wiretapping Trump Tower. Sure, let’s waste a ton of taxpayer money on a pointless investigation about our last president wiretapping his successor. It’s an obvious ploy to get the news media to focus on something besides the Trump administration’s ties with Russia. But Russia-gate is a story that doesn’t want to go away.

If there were evidence that the wiretap story might be true, then it should be investigated. But Congress can’t investigate every kooky story that comes out of Trump’s brain. There is an adage that says, “extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.” In the case of the wiretap story, Trump has offered no evidence to support his claim. “I read it on the internet” is not evidence.

The longer the Russia-gate story goes on, the more complicated it gets. Here are some of the players (so far).

Michael Flynn, Trump’s first pick for national security advisor, met with (and communicated with by phone and text messages) Russian officials including Sergey Kislyak, the Russian ambassador to the US. (It is safe to assume that Ambassador Kislyak stays in contact with Russian president Vladimir Putin and serves as a channel for communications with Putin.) At first Flynn denied communicating with the ambassador, but after intelligence officials confirmed it was true, Flynn admitted it and was fired for misleading the administration.

Trump senior aide (and son-in-law) Jared Kushner met with the Russian ambassador.

Trump attorney general Jeff Sessions admitted meeting with the Russian ambassador after first denying it.

Former Trump campaign director of national security J.D. Gordon met with the Russian ambassador.

Former Trump advisor Carter Page met with Russian officials including the Russian ambassador and Igor Sechin, a close ally of Vladimir Putin. Page also had business ties to Russia.

Former Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort was an advisor to former Ukrainian president Viktor Yanukovych and also had business ties to Russia.

Trump secretary of state Rex Tillerson had business ties to Russia and was honored with an award by Vladimir Putin.

Trump lawyer Michael Cohen met with Ukrainian lawmaker Andrii Artemenko.

It’s possible that the meetings and communications were harmless. But it’s also possible they were not harmless. What were these meetings about?  Were deals discussed that should not have been discussed? Were promises made? Why are people lying about meeting Russian officials or claiming they don’t remember? As of now, we have no answers.

There is another adage: where there’s smoke there’s fire. It’s possible this Russia-gate story is mere smoke. But where there’s this much smoke, someone needs to check for fire.

Oscar Fail

It seems a simple enough task. Tally votes, print each winner’s name onto a card, and put each card into an envelope. For each award, hand the proper envelope to the presenter. How do you screw that up? The accounting firm of PricewaterhouseCoopers managed to do it.

PwC says they are working to find out how it happened. That shouldn’t be hard. It’s not like a jet airliner crashed in the rainforest and we have to figure out which of a bazillion things went wrong. When handing out award envelopes there are a limited number of ways to fail.

Imagine you work for PwC and here’s your job: put the card for Best Picture into the Best Picture envelope, and when the show gets to the Best Picture category, hand that envelope to the presenter. Most people would presume that if a third-grader can do it, an international accounting firm should be able to do it.

This begs the question, did someone at PwC outsource the job to a third-grader? I envision an accountant sitting behind a desk and thinking, “I’m not going to waste my time stuffing cards into envelopes. I’ll take this stuff home and let my 8-year-old do the work. It’s so simple, what could go wrong?”

Sure. What could go wrong?

Perhaps next year the Academy should hire an actual third-grader to hand out the envelopes. If a third-grader screws up, people will just shrug and say, “Well, that’s what happens when you hire a third-grader.” The screw-up won’t be so epic. And bonus: a third-grader would do the job much cheaper than an international accounting firm. In fact, the Academy could probably pay him with Kit Kat bars and he’d be perfectly happy. I’m pretty sure PwC won’t do the job for Kit Kat bars. Although after this year’s Oscar fail, a case of Kit Kat bars seems more than sufficient payment.

Half Moon Run

The song of the day is Call Me In The Afternoon from the 2013 album Dark Eyes by Canadian indie rock band Half Moon Run.

Katy Perry

The song of the day is 2017's Chained to the Rhythm by Katy Perry (Katheryn Elizabeth Hudson) featuring Jamaican singer-songwriter Skip Marley.