The Applebee Chronicles

One night recently, whilst in the throes of insomnia, I decided to rummage through the dusty archives of my hard drive and pull together a collection of blog posts from the year 1999. At that time I wrote a blog titled The Applebee Chronicles, so-called because I wasted an appalling amount of time and money at that establishment. When I say "wasted" I don't mean I didn't receive value for the dollars I spent; I mean only that the amount of money I spent at that bar could have paid for a nice automobile. Sigh.

I found 30 of the old posts and so I created a new blog titled—what else?—The Applebee Chronicles. The posts that are on the Chronicles are as banal as the posts on this blog but with, perhaps, a bit more introspection. You can find the Chronicles here. Remember, if you start reading at the top post, you’re starting at the end. Not that it matters a lot.

As a historical note, the Oxford English Dictionary says the word “blog” was coined May 23, 1999. Certainly at the time I was writing the Chronicles I had not heard of the word, so I didn’t know I was writing a blog. I posted the short articles on a personal website, and I did have readers! So there.

Wendy’s Again

I went to my local Wendy’s again today. That was my first mistake. I ordered a taco salad. That was my second mistake.

This Wendy’s seems to always mishandle my order. Why do I go back? Because I keep hoping they will train their workers and fire the ones who can’t be trained. That hope gets fainter with each trip.

I placed my order and waited. I knew they would leave some ingredient out of my salad. How did I know? They always do. The last time I was at Wendy’s I bought an avocado-chicken salad to go. I got home and discovered there was no avocado on the salad. How do you forget to add one of the two ingredients the salad is named after? 

Wendy’s salads are made in the morning so they’re ready for the lunch crowd. I placed my order and waited. And waited. Two men came in together and ordered. Each man received his meal and left. I thought, “I should have ordered something deep-fried or grilled.” Another man came in alone, ordered, received his meal, and left. I continued to wait for my “pre-made” taco salad. Finally, I received my salad and went home.

When I got home and opened the salad container I discovered—surprise, surprise—the shredded cheese was missing.

A taco salad is simple. The salad container has three ingredients: lettuce, diced tomato, and shredded cheese. Then the lid goes on. You get chili, sour cream, salsa, and tortilla chips on the side. A taco salad is not rocket science.

Or maybe it is, depending on who makes the salad.

Trump and the Economy

How is the economy doing under President Trump? My pro-Trump friends tell me it’s wonderful. My no-Trump friends are unimpressed. So what are the facts?

First, let’s look at the unemployment numbers. Obama inherited a very unhealthy economy, with a rising unemployment rate due to the worst recession since the Great Depression. By the end of his first year in office the rate had stabilized and then began a steady decline that lasted through both of his terms in office. This decline in unemployment has continued during Trump’s 18 months in office.

Source: Bureau of Labor Statistics: https://data.bls.gov/timeseries/LNS14000000

Now let’s look at the Gross Domestic Product. The increase in GDP in the 2nd quarter of 2018 was 4.1%, higher than usual because shippers accelerated exports to avoid trade war tariffs. The previous quarter was 2.2%. The quarter before that was 2.3%. Obama’s best quarter saw 5.1% growth followed by 4.9% growth. In fact, GDP growth went from minus 8.1% in the 4th quarter of 2008 to plus 4.5% a year later. If Obama had been a Republican, GOP Congressmen would have been shouting his praise from the Capitol dome.

Source: Bureau of Economic Activity: https://www.bea.gov/national/xls/gdpchg.xlsx

After looking at these charts, the thing that stands out the most is that the economy has been stable and improving. Unemployment has been on the decline for eight years. Under Obama, GDP growth averaged just above 2% over his two terms in office. That is reasonable for a mature economy like the U.S. has.

The GDP can grow too slowly but it can also grow too fast. When the economy grows too fast, it “overheats” with too many dollars chasing too few growth assets. So investors start buying mediocre assets. When their value goes down, investors panic and a selloff ensues. Asset prices fall. That happened in 1999-2000 with the bubble in high-tech stocks. It happened again in 2005-2006, where the asset bubble was in housing. When the housing bubble burst, the result was a financial crisis. When an asset bubble bursts, the GDP usually goes negative and that signals a recession.

Politicians have said recently that they want a GDP growth rate of 3-4%, but economists agree that an ideal growth rate is 2-3%. If GDP growth spikes above 4% for several quarters, it usually means there is an asset bubble. So our economy is presently healthy. Obama handed Trump a stable economy growing a reasonable amount each year. Maybe Trump can keep the economic engine on the track. Maybe he can’t. We can only wait and see what happens.

Eat, Drink, Be Merry

I'm trying to reduce my weight by eating and drinking less. I successfully got through most of the day eating only one bowl of oatmeal. I planned on finishing the day by eating a half of a baked sweet potato and a serving of collard greens, but a friend unabashedly convinced me to go out and buy more spirits. So I had no choice but to do that. As fate would have it, a Burger King is located across the street from the liquor store, and though I didn't want to, I had no choice but to go in and buy a Whopper. So I did. I also bought a Spicy Chicken sandwich. I heard somewhere that beef has positive calories and chicken has negative calories so they cancel out. Who am I to argue with science?

Inside the fast food store, water dripped steadily from a florescent light fixture into a half-full bucket on the order counter and splashed out onto the floor. It hadn't rained all day, so I assumed the rooftop air conditioner was responsible.

After a few minutes a cashier appeared and I gave her my order. The cashier was a young woman. I commented to her about the water steadily dripping from the ceiling. "Looks like your air conditioner has a problem."

"That's not the air conditioner," she replied. "It's ..." and her voice transitioned into GirlSpeak, that indecipherable concatenation of fast-flowing verbiage that young women are so adept at using. I have no idea what she said.

The Whopper arrived immediately, but I had to wait for the Spicy Chicken.  The Whopper waited, too, growing steadily less hot. The phone rang and the cashier answered it. She walked into the back as she talked. I heard her say, "So it is the air conditioner. I thought..." and her voice trailed off.

I looked at the bag with the Whopper. The brown bag seemed so lonely and so ... getting colder.

The cashier returned. Several minutes had passed so, being in a droll mood, I asked her if the cook was growing a chicken. "The chicken takes six minutes to cook," she responded. Of course, that six minutes starts when they get to your order and begin the cooking process—not when you place your order.

Another customer came in and placed his order. A few minutes passed. We chatted about the leak. "With all the electric wires in the ceiling, that's really not where you want to have water," I said. He agreed. His food came and he left. Now it was me, the staff, and my forlorn hamburger waiting for its deep-fried partner. A couple more minutes passed and I told the cashier that I may soon have to look at their breakfast menu. She understood.

Then the cook—a tall, thin, somewhat sinister-looking man—picked up tongs and grabbed the chicken out of the fryolator—that big vat of boiling, nasty grease that fast food eateries fry everything in... chicken, cheese sticks, onion rings, Oreos, pickles, ice cream, liver, shoes, toy poodles, condoms, your mom, the Falkland Islands, ANYTHING.

As he walked back to the counter where the bun was waiting, the cook scowled daggers at me. I assumed he had overheard my remarks about waiting for the chicken and had taken them personally. I watched him closely to make sure he didn't adulterate my sandwich with something that wasn't supposed to be in it. Like, for instance, spit. (See the movie Waiting.) But I saw nothing unusual. Maybe it was all my imagination.

Assembly of the Spicy Chicken was finally complete and the sandwich went into the takeout bag. I wished them luck with the air conditioner and I left the store. I had a Whopper sandwich. I had a Spicy Chicken sandwich. I had a bottle of vodka. What more does a man really need to be content?

Joe Bonamassa

The song of the day is Mountain Time from the 2002 album So, It's Like That by blues rock guitarist, singer, and songwriter Joe Bonamassa. Bonamassa started playing guitar at age 4. By age 12 he had his own band called Smokin’ Joe Bonamassa and opened for B.B. King at approximately 20 shows. Bonamassa placed #1 in Gibson’s Top 10 Modern Blues Musicians.

Orianthi

The song of the day is Light of Manos by Australian singer-songwriter Oritanthi (Orianthi Penny Panagaris). In 2009, Orianthi was named one of the 12 Greatest Female Electric Guitarists by Elle magazine. She also won the award as "Breakthrough Guitarist of the Year" 2010 by Guitar International magazine. Orianthi is also known for being Michael Jackson’s guitarist on his This Is It tour.

Face to Face

The song of the day is The Devil You Know (God Is A Man) from the 1999 album Ignorance Is Bliss by California punk rock band Face to Face featuring vocals by front man Trever Keith. The song is featured in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer first soundtrack album.

Heavy Metal Happiness

My favorite story in today’s news: two elderly men in Germany went missing from their retirement home. Police were called, and the two men were found at Wacken Open Air, a days-long festival billed as the “world’s biggest heavy metal festival.” It draws about 75,000 metalheads from all over the world each year. Police believed the men traveled 25 miles to the festival by foot and public transport.

Police found the men at 3AM acting “disoriented and dazed.” I ask, what’s the problem? “Disoriented and dazed” is exactly how you’re supposed to feel after spending all day and half the night at the world’s biggest heavy metal festival. Success!

Police told the men they had to go home, but the men were reluctant to leave. In the end, they left voluntarily. Police put them in a taxi and took them back to their “home” — with a police escort, just in case they decided to jump taxi and go back to the fun.

These elderly men are my new heroes. Go for the fun! Just because you’re elderly, it doesn’t mean you’re old.