Pineapple Express

As I watched the nightly news, I saw a story about a weather event that brought heavy rain to parts of California which, in turn, caused destructive mudslides. The reporter said this kind of weather event, which comes off the Pacific Ocean, is called a Pineapple Express. I had never heard of a weather event called a Pineapple Express, so I looked it up on Wikipedia. Here’s what Wikipedia says:

Pineapple Express is a non-technical term for a meteorological phenomenon characterized by a strong and persistent flow of atmospheric moisture and associated with heavy precipitation from the waters adjacent to the Hawaiian Islands and extending to any location along the Pacific coast of North America.

That was quite a mouthful of words. I think the writer could easily have broken that into 2 or 3 sentences. But I’m picky about those things because I’m a writer and always have been (though never as a profession). If I had possessed a piece of chalk when I was in my mother’s womb, I would have written “VW was here” on the inside of it.

On the other hand, the term made me recall the 2008 stoner action-comedy film titled Pineapple Express. Most people think it’s hilarious. IMDb rates it 7 out of 10. I tried to watch it but got bored after five minutes. Maybe you have to be stoned to enjoy it. Don’t let that discourage you from watching it. As the saying goes, your mileage may vary. You can watch the movie on Amazon. I may even take another whack at watching it.

Pineapple Express is also a popular strain of marijuana. It’s a hybrid of Trainwreck and Hawaiian. Leafly says,

“The smell is likened to fresh apple and mango, with a taste of pineapple, pine, and cedar.”

Allbud says,

“Pineapple Express is chosen to treat a lot of medical problems including anxiety and stress. However, it is even more effective at curing the symptoms of chronic depression at the same time. If you are suffering from mild pains and aches, you should look no further.”

Sounds great to me. Where can I legally buy some? Not in Virginia.

Then there’s a company named Pineapple Express. Their website, which at this time has only one page, says, “We deliver” (but you have to be 21+). What they deliver is not made clear but it likely has something to do with weed. There’s another company named Pineapple Express Delivery, but that company is in Canada and appears to deliver only within Canada. Of course, cannabis is legal everywhere in Canada. That’s why the Canadian flag has an image of a marijuana leaf on it. I’m kidding—it’s actually a maple leaf.

I’ve given you, my reader, more than enough to ponder, so I’m wrapping this up. I’ll be back when I have another hour to kill.

The Blackface Incidents

The governor of Virginia, Ralph Northam, recently stepped into a pile of metaphorical poo when it became known that he might have worn blackface in his 1984 medical school yearbook page. I say “might” because at first the governor apologized and then he said he was not in the photo. The state’s attorney general, Mark Herring, followed in the governor’s footsteps and admitted to wearing blackface at a college party in 1980 when he was 19.

What the governor might have done 35 years ago and what the attorney general admits doing almost 40 years ago were not crimes. They were, however, in bad taste and indicative of, as Herring put it, “ignorance and glib attitudes.”

Ralph Northam, who may have been racist at age 25, is now 59 years old. Mark Herring, who may have been racist at age 19, is now 57. The question we need to ask ourselves is, how long should we hold people culpable for the stupid attitudes of their youth?

Life, if properly lived, is a journey to a better version of ourselves. When we’re young, we are influenced by family and friends. But as we live our lives we encounter new experiences, a diversity of people, and a multiplicity of attitudes. We learn and we grow. We become different people. The question we should ask is, who are these men now? We can’t find the answer by looking backward 40 years to their youth.

Thaw

A week ago I wrote about “the Arctic blast”, that shot of Arctic air that hit Canada and the northern US due to a wobbly polar vortex. For a few days the high temperatures in central Virginia were around freezing. Then it began to warm up. Yesterday’s high was 75°. The forecasters said it would be cooler today and, sure enough, today’s high is only 74°. Brrr, someone build a fire! A week ago people were, as expected, asking, “Where’s the global warming?” Answer: it’s right here, right now.

The reality is that we’re experiencing our “January thaw” this first week of February. The Arctic blast delayed it, but now it’s here. The thaw usually lasts about a week and then cold weather returns. When I say “cold” I’m talking about high temperatures in the 40s or 50s, so don’t picture snow. March is only three weeks away and I’ve got my fingers crossed that Virginia has seen its last snow for this winter. Yet, snow certainly isn’t out of the picture. I’ve seen snow fall when fruit trees were blossoming. I’ve seen heavy, wet snow in late winter break all the branches off numerous Bradford Pear Trees, which must have the weakest branches in all of nature.

These warm temperatures almost tempt me to go outside and across the street to the park. I’m almost tempted to walk around the park. But that sounds too much like exercise, so I’d rather just open a nearby window and smell the outside air and hear the outside sounds and feel the air on my skin. And while I’m doing that I’ll close my eyes and imagine I’m walking around the park. The nice thing about imaginary exercise is that I can lean back, relax, and sip vodka on the rocks while I’m doing it. Real exercise can’t come close to that.

In a way, I’ll be glad when the thaw is over and cold temperatures return. I won’t have to worry about whether I should go to the park and get exercise. I won’t feel guilt while sitting at my computer and getting buzzed. I won’t feel bad about telling myself that I’ll get real exercise when spring gets here, at which point I’ll invent a new set of excuses for being lazy.

It’s cloudy now, and it looks like the skies are threatening rain. That’s too bad, because I had just decided to take a walk around the park, and now I can’t. If it rains on me, I’ll catch a cold, which will turn into pneumonia, which will kill me. I’d really like to exercise but I don’t want to die, so therefore I can’t exercise. So disappointed.

But one of these days I really will get some exercise. Really. It’s on my to-do list.