Spam

Midnight: My day begins. I went to bed at nine. Now, three hours later, I’m up. The temperature is 36°F. It’s supposed to be 70° later today and 81° tomorrow. I’ll have the windows open.

5:10AM: I just ate breakfast: two hot dogs with chili and onion. Chili dogs are good any time of the day. I would have eaten Spam and eggs if I had eggs. And some Spam.

I haven’t eaten Spam in a long time. An Irish lass named Diane Jennings posted a YouTube video of herself tasting Spam for the first time. She said she had never heard of it, and consequently never knew that “spam email” is named after the canned meat product. Anyway, someone sent her a package of Spam—one of those single slice packets—and she pondered whether she should she cook it, and decided to fry it. Spam is already cooked, but most people don’t eat it fresh out of the package. You fry it, heat it up, and brown it on both sides. Many people eat a slice of Spam with their morning eggs.

So Diane put a small piece of the fried Spam into her mouth and chewed for a few seconds, and her reaction was priceless. As we know, the first time you taste Spam, every cell in your body sits up and says, “What is that? We want more!”

8:00AM: The chili dogs put me to sleep for a couple more hours. I’m up again and still thinking about how a Spam and fried egg sandwich would hit the spot right now. But I have no Spam nor any eggs. I do have salad fixings. I have chopped lettuce and a tablespoon of dressing. Let me ponder that. Hmmm... Nope. That sounds far too healthy for this early in the day.