Today is the 2014 Über Bowl. Why do I reference the game as the Über Bowl, you ask. Did you know the word super is Latin? I never studied Latin so I avoid using the word. Did you know the word hyper is Greek? I avoid that word, also. It’s Greek to me. So what’s left?
I’m not a big fan of NFL football, but I like to think I know what is going on. The two teams playing in today’s Über Bowl are the Denver Horses – I’m going by their team logo, which I’ve seen on their helmets – and the Seattle Waterfowl – again, going by the logo on their helmets.
The game would be more interesting if I placed a small bet on the outcome. However, I can’t decide which team to bet on. Horses are a lot more powerful than Waterfowl so maybe I should bet on Denver. On the other hand, Waterfowl can fly high and Horses can’t fly at all, so maybe I should bet on Seattle. See what I mean? It’s a tossup. Okay, I’ll step out on a limb and pick Seattle by 3 points, 24-21.
Denver is in the middle of the continent, and Seattle is on the northwest coast of America, so of course the game is being played on the east coast in East Rutherford, New Jersey – about as far from both fan bases as you can get. Well, they could have played in Miami, Florida – that might be a little more inconvenient for their fans to travel to than New Jersey. The problem with Miami is that it doesn’t have the je ne se qua, the cachet, that certain something that East Rutherfordites (East Rutherfordians?) know and love.
If whoever decides such things had to pick between playing the Über Bowl in East Rutherford and playing in Miami, their thought process probably went like this:
“East Rutherford, New Jersey, is a fun place. How can Miami compete with East Rutherford when it comes to having fun? All Miami has is Miami Beach. And South Beach. And Ocean Drive. And the sidewalk cafes and clubs along the Road. And The Forge, and Crandon Park, and Barton G, and Segafredo, and Abbey on South Beach. Whereas East Rutherford has the Newark Museum (though technically it’s in Newark, not East Rutherford), the Meadowlands Racetrack (new grandstand!), the Izod Center, and the New Jersey Institute of Technology (technically, that one is in Newark, too). Plus, the average temperature for East Rutherford in early February is a refreshing 30 degrees, while the average temperature in Miami in early February is a sweltering 70 degrees. East Rutherford wins hands down. Let’s play the game there!”
I’m sure the thinking at NFL headquarters went something like that. Of course, too many blows to the head can affect one’s thinking. So they say.
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