Naked Photos

I read today that a lot of celebrity nude photos have been stolen from Apple’s iCloud service and then uploaded to a website, somewhere. These include photos of Rihanna, Jennifer Lawrence, Kate Upton, and Hope Solo. Jackpot!

No, no, no! What I meant to say was, “For shame!” To steal someone’s private, naked photos and make them public; how low can you go? I have just two things to say about this situation: one, it’s a disgrace, and two, exactly where can these photos be found?

It makes me wonder, just how safe are my own naked photos? Should I worry about shadowy people on the Internet downloading naked photos of moi?  Even now, sweaty people I don’t even know might be gleefully ogling my naked body.

Just kidding! There are no naked pictures of VirtualWayne on the Internet or anywhere else. If there were, and if people downloaded them and saw them, they would immediately want to claw their eyeballs out in an attempt to un-see them. But it would be in vain. There are some images you just can’t get out of your head. Like that bad automobile accident I saw on the way to the beach, or that cattle car derailment my parents dragged me to when I was six just so they could take pictures, a naked VirtualWayne photograph is one of those things that – well, let’s just say it ain’t pretty and leave it there.

Now please excuse me; I have to go and see how many people have downloaded my latest sex tape. You know – the one I made with what’s-her-name – the actress who was in that movie that was so popular. What was its name? Oh yeah, “Naked Porn.”

I’m kidding! I have no sex tapes. But I do predict this blog post will get a lot of views. After all, it uses the word “naked” eleven times including in the title, plus the words “sex tape” and “porn.” That’s got to get it ranked pretty high by all the search engines. Think of the number of people on the Internet searching for naked photos right now, and think how many of them are going to end up here at my blog! And now think of the disappointment! It’s going to be massive. Serves ‘em right for looking for naked photos to begin with. To all of them I say, “Made you look!”