Ed Sheeran

The song of the day is Kygo’s remix of Ed Sheeran’s I See Fire. Kygo is a Norwegian DJ – real name: Kyrre Gørvell-Dahll.

Lawn Tractor

I’m so tired of pushing my furshlugginer lawn mower around my yard. With each passing year the job gets harder. So I bought a new toy to make the job easier and more fun. Learning to drive it is like learning to drive a stick shift. There are levers to get familiar with: deck height, blades engage, forward-neutral-reverse, speed control/parking brake, and a clutch that goes from 0 to 100 percent engagement with nothing in between. There’s no slipping the clutch to make a smooth start. No matter how slowly I ease the pedal out, there comes a point where the machine jolts forward and I’m off to the races. At its fastest setting, that mower can fly. And each trip across the yard mows a strip of grass (or in the case of my yard, weeds) 42 inches wide. Woo-hoo! Should have bought one of these a long time ago.

Jamie xx

Florida is a gold mine of weird news. A day or two ago, I read about a Florida man who was bitten while trying to kiss a cottonmouth, a venomous snake that is also called a water moccasin. There’s a before and after picture here. It ain’t pretty. Today I read about a Tampa man who was cleaning out the attic and found “a box with what appears to be old Spanish coins, a treasure map and a skeleton’s hand with a ring on one finger.” The news article didn’t say if the treasure map said to “look where the hand is pointing.” That would’ve been so cool.

The song of the day is Gosh from the album In Color by English remix artist Jamie Smith (stage name Jamie xx).

Felix Jaehn & Jasmine Thompson

The song of the day is Ain’t Nobody (Loves Me Better) covered in this video by German musician Felix Jaehn with vocals by English singer-songwriter Jasmine Thompson. The song was a 1983 hit by Rufus and Chaka Kahn.

Rozzi Crane

The song of the day is At Last, an Etta James hit performed by Rozzi Crane, a singer who has a great voice with a lot of soul. She recorded this song in her tour van in the parking lot outside the Hollywood Bowl.

Chiptune

It’s a cloudy, rainy Saturday, and a chilly 50 degrees. In my little city, that means only one thing: everyone must stop whatever they’re doing and drive to the grocery store. So I did my part and joined the mob. There was one parking space left – a narrow space situated between a wide-body SUV and a cart-return stall. Apparently, no one thought they could get their vehicle into it without hitting the SUV or the stall, and possibly both. I swung my Jeep in carefully, and it fit just fine. I went into the Martins store and it was slammed with shoppers. But I digress.

I want to mention a genre of music that may be unfamiliar to some readers. It’s called chiptune. Quoting Wikipedia,

“A chiptune, also known as chip music or 8-bit music, is synthesized electronic music produced by the sound chips of vintage computers, video game consoles, and arcade machines, as well as with other methods such as emulation.”

Chiptune has been around since the early 1980s, and by the mid-2000s 8-bit sounds began to be incorporated into mainstream music by artists such as Kesha, Snoop Dog, 50 Cent, Nelly Furtado, Timbaland, and many others.

If you want to experience chiptune, and if you’re a teenager or, at the least, young enough to remember what it was like being a teenager and trying to fit in with the kids you thought were cool, then here’s a video that just might make you smile. The song is 「MEOW」 by Anamanaguchi. You’ll want to watch it full screen. It’s somewhere between weird and hilarious.

The Tortellini Synchronicity

Only yesterday I had this thought: I’d like to eat some tortellini. I thought about going to the store to buy tortellini but got busy doing other things and didn’t think about it any more.

This morning, having forgotten about the tortellini, I decided I wanted a hamburger for lunch, so I drove to Walmart to purchase ground round and buns. I needed a few other items so I did some shopping. One of the items I needed was hand soap, and as I grabbed a bottle of soap off the store shelf, I saw bottles of cream-colored hand soap nearby, their labels announcing that brand of hand soap contained “milk and honey.” I can’t fathom why anyone would want to wash their hands with milk and honey. If I were to somehow get milk or honey (or both) on my hands, I would want to immediately wash my hands with old-fashioned soap and water – not with milk and honey.

Mystified at the thought of using milk and honey to clean one’s hands, I continued shopping. My wanderings amongst the aisles eventually brought me past the deli, and there I saw, hanging on the wall, row upon row of plastic bags filled with tortellini. Suddenly I remembered: I’d like to eat some tortellini. There were quite a few varieties: three cheese, mixed cheese, spinach cheese, herb chicken, and so on. I ended up buying tortellini stuffed with ricotta, parmesan, and romano, and tortelloni (shaped like tortellini but larger) stuffed with chicken and prosciutto.

I’d like to think that yesterday’s idle thought magically, and conveniently for me, made the bags of tortellini materialize in the store, but reality doesn’t work that way. Doubtless, the bags had always been there and it was yesterday’s idle thought that made me see them today. The tortellini had been forgotten by my conscious mind but not by my subconscious; my visual cortex had been “armed” by the thought “I’d like to eat some tortellini,” and suddenly what had been invisible now almost jumped off the wall at me. And it made me consider: how many things in the world are invisible to me – to each of us? How many things don’t exist in our reality until, perhaps, one day we become, or are made, ready to see them. Surely, the number must be very large.

X Ambassadors

Song of the Day: Unconsolable from the album Litost by X Ambassadors. The band’s song Renegades is currently featured in a Jeep commercial (it’s worth a listen, too – listen to it here).

Röyksopp & Susanne Sundfør

Song of the day: Running to the Sea from the album The Inevitable End by Norwegian electronic music duo Röyksopp with vocals by Susanne Sundfør.  (There is no moving video, only a still image.)

Röyksopp

Song of the day: I Had This Thing from the album The Inevitable End by Norwegian electronic music duo Röyksopp with vocals by Jamie McDermott (The Irrepressibles). (There is no moving video, only an image of the album cover.) Röyksopp have been called Norway’s biggest music export since a-ha. The duo have said that this album is their last LP. They will continue to make music but are done with the album format. Hence the name, The Inevitable End.

Birthday Puzzle

In case you missed it, the following is supposedly a math question posed to 14 year-old students in the Singapore and Asian Schools Math Olympiads.

This test is less about math and more about logic. If you want to take a minute to solve it, go ahead.

It’s initially confusing but turns out to be simpler than it looks. Here is the solution.

Albert says: I don’t know when Cheryl’s birthday is, but I know that Bernard does not know too.

According to the test, Albert is told the month – May, June, July, or August, and Bernard is told the day – 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, or 19. If Cheryl’s birthday is on the 19th, then Bernard would know her birthday is May 19, as that is the only 19 in the list. Likewise, if her birthday is on the 18th, then Bernard would know her birthday is June 18. For Albert to know that Bernard doesn’t know the date, the day can’t be 18 or 19. For Albert to be certain that the day isn’t 18 or 19, Albert must have been told that the month is either July or August. That leaves 5 possible dates.

Bernard says: At first I don’t know when Cheryl’s birthday is, but I know now.

At first, Bernard doesn’t know the month but when he hears Albert say, “I know that Bernard does not know too” he knows Albert must have been told the month is July or August. For Bernard to know both the month and the day, the day can’t be 14, because there are two 14s remaining – in July and in August – and Bernard wouldn’t know which of the two was Cheryl’s birthday. That leaves three dates: July 16, August 15, and August 17. And because Bernard knows the day, he also knows the month.

Albert says: Then I also know when Cheryl’s birthday is.

Albert must have been told July, because if he had been told August he still wouldn’t know the date – there are two dates in August. There is only one date remaining in July, so he knows Cheryl’s birthday is July 16.

Dryer Lint

I just washed and dried a load of laundry. And, as always, I removed a handful of lint from the filter screen in the dryer after I was finished. And it makes me wonder, what the heck is dryer lint, anyway?

Is dryer lint composed of tiny bits of thread that come off the clothes? Then how is it I have any fabric left in my clothes? Because if it were possible to stitch it back together, at this point I could have made a closet full of new clothes from all the lint I’ve scraped off the filter. Yet, my clothes seem to weigh as much now as they did when I bought them. The lint must be coming from somewhere else.

Is dryer lint some kind of dirt or dust that collects on clothes and comes out in the wash? Then it should get flushed down the drain with the wash water. No, the lint has to be generated in the drying process. And why is it always the exact same color? Regardless of the colors in the clothes, the dryer lint looks the same.

Suppose I hung my clothes on a clothesline and let the sun dry them. Would there be lint in the clothes? If not, why not? Where did it go?

This is a subject that is crying out for more study. I’m thinking of applying for a U.S. government grant to do research into dryer lint. I’m thinking it may be a completely renewable resource. As long as we have clothes to wash and dryers to dry them in, we’ll be generating endless quantities of dryer lint every day. There’s got to be something useful we can do with it, and for the right amount of money I promise to give the subject the amount of thought it deserves. Furthermore – and I would bet money on this – I seriously doubt that researching dryer lint is anywhere close to being the stupidest thing the government spends money on.

Update: a reader sent the following links: dryer lint art more dryer lint art dryer lint art for sale

Doctor Day Two

I saw my PCP (primary care doctor) yesterday. I visit my PCP twice a year for a checkup, and she tells me what doctors, if any, I should see next. This trip, I had to make an appointment with a gastroenterologist. Oy. Other that that, the visit went as I expected. She reviewed lab results with me. My good cholesterol is too low. My bad cholesterol, triglycerides, and blood sugar are too high. In other words, they’re the same as they always are.

I’ve noticed that the older I get, the more often the young ladies working at the medical offices seem to want to joke around with me. I have a theory about why this might be happening. I think that as I get older, young ladies see me less as someone who could take their friendliness the wrong way, and more as someone who is too old to possibly be interested in them “that way.” And so they feel it’s safe to be friendly. They’re wrong, of course. If there were thought-bubbles above our heads, hers would say, “Oh, a nice older gentleman who reminds me of my paw-paw — I’ll be nice to him.” Whereas mine would say, “She’s into me!” It’s just how guys’ brains work. It’s a Y-chromosome thing.

This morning I went to Wally World to pick up an Rx at the pharmacy. Then,  as I was almost there anyway, I decided to visit the deli and buy a single plate: an order of wings and a side. There was a genuinely hot young woman standing at the deli counter. There was no one behind the counter, so we stood silently for a minute, and finally I said to her, “I assume someone is working here?”  Instantly I had a chat session going. She said she was waiting to order a single plate: wings and a side.

“That’s what I’m getting,” I told her and we started discussing which wings we liked, which chips (“Salt and vinegar chips make me nauseous,” she said, and I replied “I think they’re addicting.”) Finally, the deli employee returned to handle our food orders, and the chat ended — thankfully for me. At my age, that’s the most excitement I can handle.

Heart Checkup

I had an appointment this morning with my cardiologist. He likes to see me now and then to run an ECG on my heart. After I spent a half hour in the waiting room watching The Price is Right, they put me in the exam room.  His cardiac technician entered with the equipment and ran the test. She left; I put my shirt back on and a minute later the doc came in. We talked a little bit, he listened to my heart, and that was that. I asked for a printout of the ECG and the technician brought me one.

I drove my Jeep down Boulevard a short way and pulled into the Martins store parking lot. As I exited my Jeep, an old black man approached me and asked me if I could help him out. He said he needed some money to buy a meal at the Burger King across the street. He looked like he had maybe one tooth left in his mouth. I told him, “Sorry, but I don’t have any money. I only carry plastic.” He looked disappointed and started turning away. I started walking toward the store. But then I thought: we’re all brothers and sisters, and if this man is hungry, I can’t ignore him. So I stopped and turned and told him if he would come into the store with me, I’d buy him a sandwich.

So we went to the Martins deli, and he picked out a sub, and a small bag of chips, and a 20 ounce drink. As we waited in line at the checkout, we talked a little. His name was Roy and he was passing through town. He had been waiting in the parking lot, he said, for his ride to show. He wasn’t staying in town because “there’s not much here.” He was on his way south – next stop, Miami.

I swiped my plastic and the bill was paid. I shook Roy’s hand, wished him luck, and he walked toward the door with his meal. I turned the opposite way and walked toward the salad bar.

I have a rule about giving pan-handlers cash: I don’t. Because, I don’t want to help them feed whatever addiction has gotten them so far down in the gutter. But if you’re hungry, I’ll buy you a meal. I’m not heartless. (I have a printout from my doctor to prove it.)

When I got back home, the thought occurred to me: maybe the real heart checkup didn’t happen at my doctor’s office. If so, I hope I passed.

Florida, Again

Florida is in the news again. This is never good.

Florida has sharks that occasionally eat people. This is not a huge problem. If you live in or visit Florida, you know ahead of time where the sharks are going to be. They live in the ocean. If you don’t like being eaten by sharks, just stay out of the ocean.

Florida also has alligators. Alligators live in fresh water like ponds, lakes, and canals. Don’t like being eaten by an alligator? Then don’t swim in a canal. Don’t get close to a pond or lake. Consider that every puddle of water in Florida could be hiding a predator that views you as a tasty snack. Just stay away from water unless it comes to you in a beverage glass.

Florida also has Burmese pythons. These are enormous snakes that can kill animals like deer. They can kill pets, too. A very large one might be able to kill a human. And then, after the killing, comes the eating. Pythons want to eat you, too.

Today I read this headline: “Pet Owners Watch Out! Cat-Eating Giant Lizards Prowling Palm Beach Florida.” Cat-eating giant lizards? Good grief, Florida. Why so many critters that want to eat people and pets?

I was at a friend’s house and tuning the TV, looking for a channel that had something interesting, and came across this movie on the SyFy channel; the name of the movie – I’m not making this up – was Big Ass Spider. The movie was about – well, a big ass spider that was rampaging across Los Angeles, destroying things and, of course, eating people.

I don’t know how the movie ended – it seemed too silly to watch, but I like to think I can guess how it ended. The humans trapped the big ass spider and shipped it to Florida, where it fit right in with the big ass snakes and the big ass lizards, and it lived happily ever after.

In Music, Old Is New Again

I doubt it will surprise anyone when I say that much of today’s music is heavily produced. It’s engineered music and it comes out of a computer workstation running special software called a DAW (Digital Audio Workstation). Many non-engineers are familiar with the term CAD, which stands for Computer-Aided Design. A DAW could be considered CAD software for making music. There are many kinds of DAW software ranging from inexpensive packages for an individual’s or garage band’s bedroom studio, all the way to $10,000+ suites for professional sound studios.

One of the things musicians often do today is sample other musicians’ music and even decades-old vinyl records. They’ll take a short section of another song and embed it into their own music. Or they may use the other artist’s voice as the input to a synthesizer and create a new sound. Sounds, including the human voice, can be stretched and compressed and looped and changed to a different key. There are many ways to use a sample.

Rapper Flo Rida’s big 2011 hit, Good Feeling, begins with a woman’s voice singing,

“Oooh Sometimes I get a good feeling yeah
I get a feeling that I never, never, never
Never had before no, no”

When I first heard Good Feeling, I thought, “Who is that woman? Her voice sounds familiar. Is that Etta James?”

A little research on Google revealed it was, in fact, Etta James. You’ll also hear her voice on Avicii’s Levels and on Pretty Light’s Finally Moving.

Just for fun I decided to make a short video using my own samples. Starting with 20 seconds of Good Feeling, I transitioned to the dream sequence in Levels for a few seconds, then to Finally Moving, and for the last sample I added a few seconds from the beginning of Etta James’ gospelly 1962 blues hit, Something’s Got A Hold On Me.

It’s too bad that Etta James isn’t here today to see musicians reaching back over 50 years to sample her voice. I think it would put a smile on her face.

This post wouldn’t be complete without a link to NBC’s The Sing-Off 2011 Good Feeling video with Kirstie Maldonado of Pentatonix starting off the female lead, Urban Method and Pentatonix singers doing backing vocals, and with Flo Rida doing his rap. This performance is a cappella – voices only, no instruments. What you see is what you hear. But take care – listening can make a person want more a cappella.

Spring Thoughts

Crime
Cars were broken into during the night on a street near where I live. It’s the first sure sign of spring. When nights are warm enough for hoodlums to prowl around and get into mischief, spring is definitely here.

Dreams
I had crazy dreams last night. Dreams are funny – at the time I experience a dream, everything that is happening makes perfect sense. But later when I’m awake and I try to recall the dream, it’s like a jigsaw puzzle with half the pieces missing. If I try to recount the dream to someone, there are big holes in my narrative and it ends up making no sense at all.

I’ve had lucid dreams. That’s a dream in which the dreamer knows it’s a dream and can sometimes influence the dream. I remember knowing I was asleep, knowing I was dreaming, and trying to make myself wake up but could not.

Mowing
We’ve had enough warm days recently to grow some tufts of grass and a crop of weeds in my yard, and the yard is beginning to look scruffy. But it looks no worse than my neighbors’ yards. No one has mowed yet, so my yard blends with the surrounding yards. The first person to use his or her mower will start the grass-mowing season. After one yard is mowed, everyone else will have to keep up. I feel I should mow my yard now but … I don’t want to be that person who gets the mowing rolling for everyone else. So it’s kind of a Mexican stand-off. Who’s going to be the first?

Diet
I went on a reduced-calorie diet a few weeks ago in an effort to shed the winter pounds I picked up since November. I suspect many people people who try to lose weight have a particular problem that I always experience. And that is, my body will only allow me lose a certain amount of weight before it puts on the brakes. Week one, I lost 3 pounds. Weeks two and three, I lost 2 pounds. The fourth week, I lost a paltry 1 pound. Then I hit a plateau. For the last two or three weeks, my weight has held steady. However, my determination will not waiver. I’m sticking with the diet.

Well, that’s enough thoughts for one blog post. Enjoy what’s left of Passover, have a Happy Easter, and take care.

April 1st

It’s April Fool’s Day. Some of the items in the news sound like they were written with that in mind. “Exploding head syndrome” – is that a real thing? Yes, it is. Although it’s only a sensation in the head, not an actual brain-splattering explosion. (I’m sure some of you are disappointed.)

How about a “combination roadside billboard and hydroponic lettuce farm”? Is it real? Yes, it is. This “air orchard” is in Peru (video) and it produces (according to one news report) thousands of heads of organically grown lettuce every week. Plus, 96 liters of clean drinking water per day.

How about this headline: “Man Looks for Missing Cat, Finds a Buried UFO”? Really? A UFO? This has to be an April Fool’s story, right? Actually it’s not, but the headline also isn’t true. Reading the story, we discover the man didn’t find a UFO, he found a round hole in the ground. And at the bottom of the hole there was something metallic. So it has to be a UFO, right? Because that’s the most likely thing anyone would ever think could be at the bottom of a hole in ground. But it turns out the hole had been there for decades, ever since a company looking for oil broke off a large drill bit in the hole and abandoned it. (The missing cat was found hiding in a cupboard.)

Then there was this: on the International Space Station, scientists are training ants to sort tiny screws in space. Is is true? Of course not. Although that did happen on the The Simpsons.

It’s too bad that last one isn’t real. When our Mars rover breaks down, it would be nice to be able to shoot a box of ants with spare parts to Mars to fix the thing. Although the Martian air is very, very thin, and getting ants to wear itty-bitty space suits would probably be a major hassle.

It would probably be an even bigger hassle than it was getting those cows we have on Mars to wear their suits.