Dinner

Until the age of 6, I lived with my grandparents. Grandmother prepared three daily meals and they were called breakfast, dinner, and supper. We ate them in that order: breakfast in the morning, dinner at noon, and supper in the evening.

Then I began school. Everyone, both teachers and students, ate in the school cafeteria. The midday meal was called lunch and it was served up by stern-looking women we called lunch ladies. So one would think that now the three daily meals would be called breakfast, lunch, and supper. But not so! Dinner slid to supper and supper slid off the page. My three daily meals became breakfast, lunch, and dinner. My six year old brain was confused. So one day I asked my mother a simple question.

Me: “Mom?”

Mom: “What?”

Me: “If dinner is supper, and dinner is lunch, then when do we eat dinner?”

Mom: “Dinner is always the biggest meal, no matter when it’s eaten.”

Me: “So if my biggest meal is breakfast, is breakfast dinner?”

Mom: “No, breakfast is always breakfast.”

Me: “So when is dinner?”

Mom: “We eat dinner at suppertime.”

Me: “So dinner is supper?”

Mom: “Aren’t you listening? I told you, dinner is the biggest meal of the day.”

Me: “Except for breakfast.”

Mom: “Yes.”

Me: “So dinner is lunch and lunch is dinner.”

Mom: “You’re exasperating.”

Me (after thinking it over): “So supper is dinner?”

Mom: “Yes. Except when dinner is lunch.”

Me: “Oh. Mom?”

Mom: “What is it now?”

Me: “I think my brain is going to explode.”

Mom: “I know the feeling.”

I could hardly wait to ask her the hard questions. And I did. To this day, I can recall my mother saying, rather more often that I like to admit, “You’re going to put me in an early grave.” But we both survived those years. And now I eat lunch at lunchtime and dinner at suppertime. Except when I eat breakfast at lunchtime, which is rather often, but everyone calls that meal brunch. On those days, supper is dinner, unless dinner was brunch, in which case supper has to be supper. Follow me?

I’ve done research on this conundrum, and apparently no one is quite sure of the names of meals. Or rather, they are sure but their answer depends on where they’re from. Southerners have one set of names, Northerners have another set, and so on. Except for Texas, which can go any which way.