Christmas Day 2019

I awoke at dawn and knew that this day was Christmas Day 2019. Or as I call it, Wednesday. I didn’t want to get out of bed so I ignored the pressure in my bladder for a while. Finally, I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood up. I must have “slept wrong” because my back hurt. I hobbled to the bathroom and then to the kitchen to take my assortment of morning pills.

I was vaguely hungry and I decided it was time to eat my Christmas breakfast. I went all out and prepared a Christmas Slaw Dog. A Christmas Slaw Dog is the same as a regular slaw dog, except it can only be eaten on Christmas Day. If you don’t know how to prepare a slaw dog, it’s simple. It’s just like a banana dog, except you use a hot dog wiener in place of the banana and you use coleslaw in place of peanut butter. Presto, a slaw dog! What a wonderful time to be alive.

Christmas used to be a special day to me, but that was years ago. The day has evolved into the culmination of Shopping Hell, in which innocent civilians such as myself contend with the hordes who have decided to do their Christmas shopping on the last few hours of the last shopping day. I had to make a run to Home Depot to buy a tube of caulk, and I passed the hordes on the road. I saw the long lines of cars turning into the shopping center. People must enjoy Shopping Hell, inasmuch as so many people participate. But on this day, Shopping Hell is on hiatus, as shoppers take a break in order to rip into the fruits of their shopping. Tomorrow it resumes.

My memory may be faulty, but I seem to recall that on Christmas Eve, TV programming once included Christmas-themed shows, like “Miracle on 34th Street” and “It’s a Wonderful Life”. There was nothing like that on the TV last night. I downloaded and re-watched my own beloved classic from 1970—“Kelly’s Heroes”. There’s nothing like sitting in front of a softly glowing computer monitor, sipping on a drink and watching people get shot to pieces in a WW2 movie. And what great characters, with names like Big Joe, Little Joe, Crapgame, Oddball, and Cowboy. A real Christmas classic.

It’s time to hit the Publish button and then go brush my teeth. It being a special day, I might blog again before the day is done. Have a Merry One, y’all.