It’s A Catch-22

I don’t understand the thinking behind the refusal of some people to wear a mask over their face during this time of pandemic. I don’t wear a mask, but I have a good reason: I don’t own a mask. In order to buy a mask I have to go to a store, but I can’t go to a store because I don’t have a mask. It’s a classic Catch-22.

Catch-22 is the title of an excellent novel written by Joseph Heller. It was published in 1961 and released as a film in 1970. Guess what famous singer was in the movie? Art Garfunkel—of Simon and Garfunkel. If Garfunkel had known he would become famous, he might have changed his name. Maybe to Schuster. Simon and Schuster has a nice ring to it. A little bookish, perhaps.

In Catch-22, Garfunkel’s character was named Nately. He was a lieutenant for part of the story and, later, a captain. The story takes place during WWII in Italy. In fact, Joseph Heller was a bombardier with the 12th Air Force in the Mediterranean in World War II. The novel is about a bombardier named John Yossarian. Nately is a supporting character. If you’re a storyteller, you write best what you know best.

The following bit of dialog is copied from IMDb, which copied it from the film, which is based on the novel.

Old man in whorehouse : You see, Italy is a very poor, weak country and that is what makes us so strong, strong enough to survive this war and still be in existence, long after your country has been destroyed.
Capt. Nately : What are you talking about? America is not going to be destroyed.
Old man in whorehouse : Never?
Capt. Nately : Well...
Old man in whorehouse : Rome was destroyed. Greece was destroyed. Persia was destroyed. Spain was destroyed. All great countries are destroyed. Why not yours? How much longer do you think your country will last? Forever?
Capt. Nately : Well, forever is a long time.
Old man in whorehouse : Very long.

Capt. Nately : Don't you have any principles?
Old man in whorehouse : Of course not!
Capt. Nately : No morality?
Old man in whorehouse : I'm a very moral man, and Italy is a very moral country. That's why we will certainly come out on top again if we succeed in being defeated.
Capt. Nately : You talk like a madman.
Old man in whorehouse : But I live like a sane one. I was a fascist when Mussolini was on top. Now that he has been deposed, I am anti-fascist. When the Germans were here, I was fanatically pro-German. Now I'm fanatically pro-American. You'll find no more loyal partisan in all of Italy than myself.
Capt. Nately : You're a shameful opportunist! What you don't understand is that it's better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
Old man in whorehouse : You have it backwards. It's better to live on your feet than to die on your knees. I know.
Capt. Nately : How do you know?
Old man in whorehouse : Because I am 107-years-old. How old are you?
Capt. Nately : I'll be 20 in January.
Old man in whorehouse : If you live.

I have no doubt that war is indescribable hell. If you could describe it (which you can’t), the only way would be through absurdity. Approach it from an angle. Sidle up to the story. Tear off a little piece of life and show how war makes sane people crazy. That is what Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., did when he wrote Slaughterhouse Five. The protagonist of Vonnegut’s novel was a prisoner-of-war who survived the firebombing of Dresden. Vonnegut himself was a prisoner-of-war who survived the firebombing of Dresden. As a little known blogger once said, “If you’re a storyteller, you write best what you know best.”

Even if I go to a store to buy a mask, I’ve heard that all the masks are gone. Sold out. It’s the Human Pandemic Hoarding Reflex on display. Psychologists call it the HPHR. It’s pronounced like it’s spelled. Some people have it, some people don’t. I’m right on the line. I don’t mind putting on a mask if it makes the governor happy. I completely understand the thinking of the people who have decided to wear masks during this time of pandemic. But… (this blog post is circular, you must go to the top to finish reading it. Quickly, go now! Oh, you missed your chance. Now you’ll never find your way out of this blog. It’s a Catch-22. Don’t believe me? Read the title of this post.)