A Conversation

I had a discussion tonight with a friend on a text/video platform. It lasted for a while before we moved to another video platform. But while it was on the first chat platform, this was our conversation. I copied it here because tonight I am too lazy to come up with something original, and besides, it may give some of my friends and acquaintances something to think about.

The segments that start with Q are my friend’s chats. The segments that start with VW are my chats.

VW: All of us are here for a reason.

We are here to experience and to learn.

We are also here to help one another and to be kind to one another. That is a very important lesson to learn.

Q: So don’t feel pity for yourself. Life is short. Let me ask you, are you happy? With your Life, with what you do?

VW: I don't feel pity for myself ... none at all. I did not mean to give that impression. Yes, I feel happy most of the time. I do what you do, except less house cleaning and more writing.

Q: You don't know what you have not seen.

VW: I eat, I sleep, I visit friends (mostly online). And you don't know what you have not seen. So what? No one has seen everything, but you don't have to travel anywhere to learn many things.

Q: ?

VW: There are people who are blind and cannot "see" at all, but they still learn and live their lives.

Q: But they believe they are happy.

VW: Each of us is here for a purpose and it is not the same purpose. Each of us has lessons to learn, not the same lesson.

Are you happy?

Do you feel content?

Q: Not completely. I’m very grateful for who I am, what I do, what I have. But something is missing. And I bet that happens to you also.

VW: I practiced transcendental meditation for a year, morning and evening. I wanted to experience it. I took LSD because I wanted to experience it. I drove all over America in a camper van with my dog because I wanted to experience it. So I've experienced a lot and I feel I have an understanding of my life and why I am here. When you die you will meet the Angel and you might think it is Jesus or God, but it is the Angel. The Angel will make you review your life and then will ask you, "What have you done that is sufficient?"

I want to have a good answer. I know many places that I have failed, but by failing I learned something.

I think perhaps because my mother and father fought like cats and dogs every day of my childhood and even my adulthood, I never wanted to be married. And because of my panic attacks, it was very difficult to date anyone, so that was cut out of my life, and who can say that God didn't do it. I believe He did cut that out of my life and I believe He had a reason.

And so my life went in a different direction and I met different people and traveled to different places and had different experiences, but I was happy. My life could have been so much worse. I was born lucky. I was born to decent people, in a good country, and made good friends, and had some experiences with women. I'm happy. I have regrets, I've done things that hurt people and I was too immature to understand that, but now I understand and I've learned.

Q: You have done that because you have free wheeled.

VW: I don't know why you say I have "free wheeled". Much of my life has been tough. I was working at age 13. I struggled financially to get through school. No sooner did I get a good job than this agoraphobia hit me and it was crippling. (Agoraphobia is the medical name for what causes my panic attacks.) My life has not been easy, but it has probably been easier than I deserve. I wish I could undo many things I have done. I was foolish when I was young and did not take advantage of opportunities I had. I was often anxious. I think I inherited that from my mother, who was often anxious and easily frightened. My dad was an alcoholic but he was also a hard worker and taught me many things, and many of my values, which were good, honest values. He had his failings. My mother had hers. I've had mine. We aren't heavenly angels, we are just people who struggle to survive. Some of us give up the struggle, it is too much, and we read about their suicide. As I wrote (on this blog), sometimes I feel my life was like a train on a track and couldn't have gone any other way, and maybe that is exactly how our lives work. Maybe they are planned for us so that we can learn the things we need to learn. Soul-learning.

I think we have "guardian angels" who are always with us and guiding us through our feelings, and sometimes protecting us and others. I think perhaps they plan our life experiences to give us (our souls) an opportunity to grow to make us better through soul-work. We are here to learn and grow. But that does not happen sometimes and we have to repeat our lessons until we learn them. We will eventually learn, some of us are just slower than others.

When you see someone who was born disabled, it may be that he or she took on that disability to learn a very valuable lesson. That person may be an "old soul" who is learning very hard lessons now. Or that person may be a "young soul" who is learning what the effects of their actions are on others. Do not be too quick to pity or judge. They may have chosen a lesson and perhaps you are in their life to help them learn that lesson.

And at this point the conversation moved to another video chat platform.