Diet and Exercise

I hope people are wrong about that whole “diet and exercise” thing being necessary for a long, healthy life.

I don’t exercise. I could be the poster child for the word “sedentary”. If you look up “sedentary” in a dictionary, you’ll find my picture.

I tried exercise. I didn’t like it. It was too much like high school Phys-Ed class. It was a lot of work. Worse, it was a lot of very boring work. I tried putting a television in front of my treadmill so I could watch it while jogging in place. The television helped a little but not enough to keep me on the treadmill.

I do get some exercise. I have to walk to my car in order to drive to the store to buy groceries. I stand at my sink and move my arms while I wash dishes. Sometimes I walk around the neighborhood, but I’ve done that so much it’s gotten boring so I don’t do it much any more.

My sofa is in a bad location: it’s inside my house. I constantly trip and fall onto it. Sometimes it takes me a couple of hours to get back up.

My diet is not much help, either. For example, this Thanksgiving I had hotdogs all day. Breakfast was hotdogs with chili and onions. Lunch was hotdogs with mustard and relish. Dinner was a replay of breakfast: hotdogs with chili and onions.

Day before yesterday, I ate pizza, and only pizza, all day. At least it was a “supreme” pizza, so in addition to pepperoni and sausage I got black olives and sliced tomato. They’re healthy, right? I don’t want to overdo this vegetable thing.

I had pizza yesterday, too, but only for lunch. I had tubular-shaped sausage with sautéed onions for dinner. There you go: another veggie.

I had pizza for lunch today and I’ll have it for lunch tomorrow. I’m about to go and cook up my last sausage for dinner. I’ll sauté onion rings in oil, add a dash of soy sauce and a sprinkle of hot pepper flakes, cut up the pre-cooked sausage and after the onion is cooked I’ll add the sausage and some diced garlic to the pan. It will be tasty. I don’t know what I’ll have for tomorrow’s dinner. I might go to the deli and buy chicken wings for lunch and move the leftover pizza to the dinner time slot. I’ll ponder that.

My doctor tells me my lipid levels are off the chart. But they’ve been high my whole life. One time I asked her why, with those high lipid levels, was I still alive? She replied, “Some things we don’t understand.” Thanks, doc, for the comforting words. I’m a medical mystery. Just what I wanted to hear.