Bacon-Flavored Health Food

I read an article online titled “Finally, Bacon-Flavored Health Food Has Arrived.” Researchers at Oregon State University have created bacon-flavored crackers and bacon-flavored salad dressing. Guess what this health food is made of: it’s made of dulse – a kind of red alga or seaweed that grows on northern coasts of the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans.

Are you kidding me?

First, I’d like to express my doubt that any kind of seaweed tastes like bacon. These researchers need to pick up a package of bacon, fry a few slices, and refresh their memories of how bacon tastes. There is no way any normal human will taste bacon and say, “Hmm, this reminds me of seaweed.” If it does remind you of seaweed, you should spit that bacon out and cook fresh bacon.

When I want food that tastes like bacon, I eat bacon. In a world that has bacon, why eat something that tastes like bacon? Especially if that something is seaweed.

There is also this: the alleged bacon-like seaweed, after being harvested and dried, sells for $90 a pound. Then of course it has to be processed and packaged and transported and stocked and so on. That’s going to go over big. Let’s picture someone standing in a grocery store and musing, “Should I buy this package of bacon for four dollars or this package of bacon-flavored seaweed for $150?”

And if you’re a vegan, why would you even want to eat something that tastes like bacon? Just go back to chomping on your raw carrot sticks.