The Pyramid of Giza is actually a hangar for an alien space ship. The ship is inside that mountain of granite blocks, its engine humming away and producing “thermal anomalies.” The Internet says so, and the Internet is never wrong. If you read it on the Internet, you can be sure it’s the truth. And because I’m on the Internet, everything I write on this blog is, by definition, totally true. Please keep that in mind.
Another recent piece of news on the Internet says that kangaroo farts are worse for global warming than climate scientists previously believed. I didn’t know that climate scientists had studied kangaroo farts, but now that I’m aware of it, I have to wonder: do fish fart? There are millions of fish in the ocean, and that could add up to a lot of fartage. How about dolphins and whales? After all, they’re mammals, and don’t all mammals fart?
But enough fart-foolery. Here’s another headline: Leonid meteor shower to peak overnight. People! It’s peaking! Tonight! Whenever I read that a rare and visually interesting astronomical event is happening that night, I know it can only mean one thing: it’s going to rain tonight. Doesn’t matter. I’ve lived through enough meteor showers to be able to state unequivocally: meteor showers are completely underwhelming. They go like this: “There’s one, I think.” Sixty seconds passes. “Ooh, I think I just saw another.” Exciting, huh? Also, keep in mind that a lot of shooting stars are nothing more than small bits of old rockets and satellite debris falling back into the atmosphere. You could be ooh-ing and ah-ing over the sight of a 4-40 screw burning up. Not something to write home about. On the other hand, you (quick, before it disappears) may want to make a wish. You never know about these things.
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