Observations

Job Titles

Job titles were once very straightforward. You had a job and your job title stated what you did. Like sales clerk. Or stocker. But in modern times, job titles have become increasingly obscure, to what end I’m not sure. What is an “achievement coach”? If I decide to be an achievement coach, what will I be doing? How about “fitness influencer”? What does a fitness influencer do for eight hours a day? I’ve decided that jobs like these are so mundane that the holder of that job needs to obfuscate what they do so as to avoid embarrassment.

My last job title was “Senior Engineer, Electronic Systems”. That may sound a bit pretentious, but it described my job. I designed electronic systems from the schematic to the finished circuit board. Or end-to-end, as they say today.

My current job title is “Blogger”. Just kidding—that word is far too mundane. I’ve decided I’m an “Information Commentator and Opinion Agent.” So much better than “blogger”. But it pays the same: zero.

Monkey Business

There is a population of wild monkeys in Florida that is growing out of control and they carry a form of herpes that is deadly to humans. (Why is it always Florida that gets the herpes-monkeys and 15-foot pythons and giant lizards and walking catfish, to mention a few of Florida’s many weird and often deadly creatures?)

I like this headline: 25 Ways Florida Could Kill You. I don’t know how they managed to narrow down the list to only 25.

There Was Nothing Interesting on the Telly

In England, two men stole a parked bus and took it for a joyride. A jolly good time, what? Stealing a bus is dumb enough, but the men also video-recorded themselves joyriding in the bus and then posted the video to Facebook. I’ve observed that this self-posting of criminal activity is an increasing trend. People record themselves committing a felony and then post the video to Facebook or another social media website. Their next stop: the slammer. What a surprise.

Assault with a … Banana?

Police in Des Moines, Iowa, say a man assaulted a convenience store clerk with a banana. He chased her around the store, throwing various fruits at her and causing $1000 in damage. It could have been worse. He could have assaulted her with a mango. That would’ve hurt. Anyway, the crime happened on New Year’s day, so perhaps we can write it off to there being too much brandy in the egg nog.