Tech Support

Want a job where you don’t have to know anything? Then tech support is for you!

When I had DSL Internet, the service was terrible, sometimes going to a download speed of zero. When I called tech support, I always found myself talking with Indian-tech-support-guy, and so first there was a bit of a language barrier. But generally it went like this:

Me: “My Internet is broken. My download speed is zero.”

Guy: “Okay, first go to this website and take the speed test.”

Me: “I can’t do that. I can’t go anywhere, my Internet is broken.

Sometimes after a few minutes, the speed test page would load.

Me: “Okay, I’m at the speed test page.”

Guy: “Click on the start button.”

Silence for 30 seconds.

Guy: “Did you click the start button?”

Me: “Yes.”

Guy: “What does the speed test say is your speed?”

Me: “Zero.”

I have a friend whose DSL Internet ranges from acceptable to unusable. I can start a video chat with her and everything is fine for 15 minutes, then the picture goes to hell and the sound drops out. It will eventually come back, but then drops out again in a continuing cycle of “here it is—now it’s gone.” I complained to her about it so many times that she finally called tech support, even though we both were fairly sure it was probably pointless. She said she got connected to a tech support woman in Egypt.

The tech support woman told her that her computer was too old. My friend replied, “it’s not an old computer, it has Windows 10.” To which the tech support woman said, “You see, Windows 10 is ten years old.”

Windows 10 was released in July, 2015, so at this date it is almost 5 years old. Apparently the tech support person thought “10” was a reference to the year 2010 rather than a version number. It looks like the job requirement for tech support is you must be breathing.