What If

I've been thinking, what if we have lives in order to experience just one moment. Or two, or three. I'm saying, what if most of our life is mostly filler, and only a few moments are really meaningful. 

I know one moment that I would like to change. It happened when I was about 12 years old. Maybe I can be partially forgiven, for being so young and unworldly, and for taking bad advice from someone I trusted. Now it's in the distant past, my distant past, and the person who gave me the bad advice is long dead. I still, and probably always will, blame myself for acting on bad advice.

Most of our life is mush. Hundreds of small choices, decisions, words, and random thoughts every day. What should I order for lunch?—do I drive this road or that road?—do I perform that chore Thursday or Friday? Those moments pass by and we don't remember most of them. But now and then, we do something that is life-changing. We change our life, we change someone else's life, we change both of our lives. And it can be something small and simple that does it. A sentence—just a few words.

There are a few small things I'd like to take back, to undo. Now I'm wiser. It's too late to undo the damage, but at least I try to be more careful and I try not to repeat the missteps. But sometimes we don't know we are making a mistake until after we've made it, and then the damage is done, the pain is inflicted, the wound becomes a scar. Though it's too late to undo, I'm wiser for it. 

Maybe out there somewhere, someone is thinking of me, thinking of some interaction from long ago, and wishing they could undo it. Probably not, but—maybe. If I could talk to that person, I would say, "Learn from it and let it go." Though letting go is the hardest part.