MOMO

The Trump-Kim talks have reached what I call the “Moment Of Maximum Optimism”, or MOMO.

MOMO occurs after tentative goals have been exchanged between the two sides and everyone is saying, “Ok, we can do this, we just have to work out the details.” And you know the old saying: the devil is in the details. It’s the fine print that has screwed up many a deal.

I was going to include a list of treaties and non-proliferation agreements that North Korea has acceded to and then broken, but it turns out the list is already available on the Internet. If you want to peruse the list you can find it here at armscontrol.org. It’s a long list.

So once again we’re getting on the merry-go-round. Perhaps this time the stars will align and we’ll be able to grab the brass ring. But considering the number of times this merry-go-round has flung us into the weeds, you’ll understand why I will be curbing my enthusiasm. As the old-timers say, “The proof of the pudding is in the eating.” And I haven’t seen any pudding yet.

Beautiful Bodies

There is a movement afoot to not show women’s bodies on TV, as though the human body has become obscene. Miss America contestants won’t have to wear swimsuits; instead, they will answer essay questions. The biggest brain wins. The World Surf League is urging cameramen to not shoot close-ups of female contestants wearing bikini swimsuits (which they wear voluntarily for comfort and practicality). Women’s beach volleyball will be next. The Tour de France is getting rid of its “podium girls” (a voluntary job that is well-paid and sought-after) despite the fact that current and former podium girls defend the job. How will women’s bodybuilding competitions be judged when all the female contestants are wearing burkas? For that matter, how will men’s bodybuilding competitions be judged when all the men are required to hide their muscles? Or is this “cover-up the body” movement restricted to women?

Come on, people. The human body is beautiful and has been celebrated in art for as long as humans have been creating art. Are we to hang tarps over the ancient Greek and Roman statues of naked men and women? Are we to drape curtains over the Renaissance paintings that depict the nude human form? If a body is beautiful, what is the problem? I say, good for those who have a beautiful body. I wish I had one, too.

In the name of “protecting” women—including women who don’t want our so-called protection—is it possible we have overreacted? Has the pendulum swung too far the other way? Have we become somehow ashamed of the human body and feel sympathy for those people who parade their bodies proudly on a stage?

There has always been an undercurrent of prudishness in American society. This present-day movement to protect women from showing their bodies is a manifestation of that prudishness—an echo from the Puritans—come to life in the 21st century. Prudes assume that a woman wearing a bikini is embarrassed and ashamed of her body and is being victimized by cameras. The idea that women can be proud of their bodies is an idea they cannot grasp.

Meal Plan

It is 3:15 AM. I just ate breakfast: turkey sausage heated in the microwave, and a rocks glass of plain yogurt. I’ll return to bed for a while and see if I can get a few more hours of sleep. When I get up again at 8 AM, I’ll eat “second breakfast”—like a hobbit. Second breakfast will be a large slice of supreme pizza from Wally World, heated in the microwave.

When lunchtime arrives, I’ll be going traditional with a Korean-style beef frozen dinner. It’s the only frozen dinner in my freezer and it’s been there so long that the box has actually become frozen to the freezer shelf. I think I can pry it off with a spatula. It should be edible though probably a bit desiccated.

Halfway through the afternoon I’ll get hungry so I’ll return to the freezer for some frozen stir-fry veggies and frozen beef strips which, like the frozen dinner, have been in the freezer for far too long. They’re probably dried out too, but the addition of stir-fry sauce and soy sauce will take care of that. I’ll thaw them in the microwave and stir-fry them on the stovetop. Yum.

Supper is a puzzle at this point. The pantry is almost exhausted. I could eat another slice of ‘za. Or a can of soup. I have eggs in the fridge and I have biscuit dough. Maybe I’ll bake biscuits. I can scramble a few eggs, butter a biscuit, and add some grape jelly. Sounds like a reasonable meal plan to me. I have no idea what people in the real world eat. Probably food from Mickey D’s.

The weather dude says it’s going to rain starting this morning and every day for the next week. I’ll be out of food long before the end of the week. I refuse to get drenched going to the grocery store to buy food. I'll just not eat. I need to lose weight anyway. On the other hand, if I run out of alcohol I’ll have no choice but to go to the store. Some things you can live without; some things you can’t.

Pardons

I know everyone must be burnt out reading and talking about Donald Trump’s assertion that he has the absolute right to pardon himself, but I always think about these things a little bit deeper, because that is the way my brain works.

I understand what Trump is doing. This isn’t only about presidential pardons. Trump takes the position that he has the power to do anything he wants to do unless someone—the courts, the Congress—pushes back and tells him he doesn’t. He claims absolute power until outside forces take back that power.

If Trump really has the power to pardon himself and his, uh, henchmen (it’s the word that comes to mind) then let’s speculate on how far this power extends.

If Trump sent a squad of henchmen to murder the justices on the Supreme Court and then immediately pardoned them, would that be legal? By “legal” I mean could he execute that crime without being prosecuted?

If Trump sent a squad of henchmen to nail shut the doors of Congress and arrest our senators and representatives and send them to Gitmo, could he pardon everyone involved for that crime?

Can Trump pardon himself for any and all future crimes he may commit as well as any and all past crimes (which he vehemently denies having committed). That would seem to cover all the bases. When Trump is no longer president and someone offends him, he could pull out a pistol and kill them on the spot. When the police arrive he could tell them, “You can’t arrest me, I’ve already been pardoned—by me.”

The point of this speculation is not that Trump is likely to do any of these things because I really don’t think he would (though it wouldn’t shock me if he did); rather, it is to explore a legal concept by applying reductio ad adsurdum to see how far the concept can be extended before we all see the absurdity. For if Trump has absolute power to pardon, then why can’t he send someone on a mission to commit a crime and then pardon that person and himself for participating in the crime? “Absolute” means without limits.

Trump could violate every legal and moral principle embodied in the Constitution and simply pardon himself. If Trump has absolute power to pardon himself as he asserts, then he could do all these things without consequences. Is this what the framers of the Constitution intended?

The obvious answer to all these suppositions is to recognize that the president’s power to pardon is not “absolute” as he contends. There must be limits on it.

There is a fundamental legal principle that asserts you can’t be the judge in your own court case. By claiming absolute power to pardon himself, Trump contends that principle doesn’t apply to him. It appears Trump wants to be king more than he wants to be president. It is the responsibility of We the People to ensure that doesn’t happen.

Contact Us

If you’ve ever tried to contact a corporation through their website (“Contact Us”) or provide feedback about your experience (“Customer Satisfaction Survey”) then surely you know that no one at the corporation gives a damn about what you have to say. Though the website form demands to know your name, email address, and phone number, you will never hear back from these corporations. They probably sell your contact information to a marketing firm and that is the end of it.

I’ve wondered if my communications to big companies are read by anyone. My belief is that these communication channels are entirely one way, from my desktop to a virtual wastebasket. Maybe, maybe, if a website visitor mentioned to them that there may be a bomb hidden in their building, they might be interested in hearing more about it. But probably not.

So, if you’re not happy with your shopping experience, don’t bother with the “Contact Us” form. It’s just there to drain away some of the phone traffic. Nothing will come of it. If you want to be heard, you have to phone the company with your complaint and/or suggestions. You have to interact with a real human being. Tell them you expect a letter that addresses your concerns. But don’t tell them you might not shop there again. You’ll be wasting your breath. They really don’t care.

Walmart, are you listening?

Freedom of Speech

I want to explain the First Amendment to Americans, many of whom seem confused about freedom of speech in America.

The First Amendment to the Constitution prohibits Congress from passing a law that restricts free speech, and it guarantees certain other rights. The First Amendment does not guarantee that you won’t lose your job, get sued, be shunned, have your TV show cancelled, or suffer similar consequences because of what you say.

I write this because after ABC pulled the plug on the Roseanne sitcom, people complained that ABC was infringing on Roseanne Barr’s first amendment rights. That is not the case at all. The Roseanne situation has nothing at all to do with the First Amendment. The First Amendment protects you from our government punishing you for your words. You are free to express your thoughts and beliefs, but you can be criticized, laughed at, or despised for your words. Ironically, everyone has a right to do those things because of the First Amendment. It works both ways.

Rain at Night

I went to bed at 3 AM today. Rain fell for hours. I raised my phone to my open bedroom window and recorded a minute of rainfall. This is how it sounded. Kinda nice.

The Vespers

The song of the day is Better Now from the 2012 album The Fourth Wall by American folk/roots band The Vespers. The band consists of two brothers and two sisters.

Butt Brain

I read an interesting article in the Charlotte Observer today. It said that humans have two brains. One is in your head and the other is in your butt. I’m not kidding. Read it here if you don’t believe it.

I’m sure some people won’t believe that humans have a brain in their butt, but I believe it. It makes sense. It explains a lot about human behavior. Some people are intelligent and thoughtful. Some people are assholes. It just depends on which brain is in control. Sometimes it’s the top brain, and sometimes it’s the butt brain.

No doubt we’ve all let our butt brain take over on occasion. Sometimes it seems there’s a tug of war going on—a struggle to determine which brain is going to win control. Have you ever been driving peacefully on the highway when some butt-wad cuts you off and makes you slam on your brakes to avoid an accident? You can respond in one of two ways. You can take a breath and utter a peaceful, “It’s okay, brother, have a good day.” Or you can let out a primal “Asshole!” and shoot them the middle finger. That’s when you know which brain is in control.

The article also states that scientists believe the butt brain is the older of the two brains. That means humans started out as assholes and evolved to our present condition of semi-assholes. One day we’ll be fully evolved humans. In the meantime, give others around you a little slack when they act like assholes. They can’t help it; their butt brain is in control. They’re still evolving.

The best thing each of us can do—especially when something upsetting happens to us—is to remember that we have two brains. Try not to let the butt brain take charge. It really doesn’t know what it’s doing.

Big Red Warning

How do you know you’ve found a good YouTube video? You know it may be good if it has this big red warning at the beginning.

Of course, the warning that it may be disturbing to some viewers doesn’t guarantee you a good video. Disturbing, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.

There are many videos showing cops fatally shooting people. These videos are fairly routine. There’s a lot of shouting (“Stop!”, “Get on the ground!”, “Drop the gun!”, “Drop the knife!”, “Drop the screwdriver!”), then there’s a volley of gunshots and the perp falls down, then it’s over. It’s instructive to see just how quickly you can die by refusing to cooperate with the law but, on the excitement scale, these rank slightly above cat videos.

Next up are plane crash videos. I don’t root for anyone to die, but it happens. Regardless of that, the videos are fairly entertaining. But maybe that’s because I like airplanes. In fact, I like airplanes so much that I once took flying lessons. So I’m biased about airplane videos. Still, I rate plane crash videos above shootouts.

Next up are car crash videos. There are an endless number of them on YouTube. However, after a while you’ve seen all the significant ways that people wreck their cars. Many times you can predict what will happen because, you know—someone is making a right turn from the left lane, or a left turn from the right lane, or a U-turn on a busy highway, or driving too fast on an icy road, or trying to overtake five cars and a semi all at one time—these are the videos where you know something bad is about to happen. Then it happens. Sometimes a driver or passenger comes spinning out of the wreckage like a human Frisbee. You don’t want to know that person is dead. “He could be okay,” you tell yourself.

Then there are train videos in which a locomotive smashes into something. Sometimes it’s a fully loaded semi truck stalled on the tracks. An explosion of debris blasts out of the trailer. These videos can be interesting to watch—for a while—but there is a sameness to them that gets old quickly. I advise avoiding these videos, because sooner or later you’ll see something you can’t un-see. You’ll see a locomotive hit an automobile full of people. Despite red crossing lights flashing and locomotive horns bellowing, a car drives directly into the path of a train. In an instant, a family is killed. These videos are not fun to watch—they’re sobering. They show how ephemeral is life. Do one stupid thing at the wrong time—texting while driving, racing a train to the crossing—and the lives of you and your loved ones are snuffed out. Now that is the kind of video that deserves the big red warning.