Meal Plan

It is 3:15 AM. I just ate breakfast: turkey sausage heated in the microwave, and a rocks glass of plain yogurt. I’ll return to bed for a while and see if I can get a few more hours of sleep. When I get up again at 8 AM, I’ll eat “second breakfast”—like a hobbit. Second breakfast will be a large slice of supreme pizza from Wally World, heated in the microwave.

When lunchtime arrives, I’ll be going traditional with a Korean-style beef frozen dinner. It’s the only frozen dinner in my freezer and it’s been there so long that the box has actually become frozen to the freezer shelf. I think I can pry it off with a spatula. It should be edible though probably a bit desiccated.

Halfway through the afternoon I’ll get hungry so I’ll return to the freezer for some frozen stir-fry veggies and frozen beef strips which, like the frozen dinner, have been in the freezer for far too long. They’re probably dried out too, but the addition of stir-fry sauce and soy sauce will take care of that. I’ll thaw them in the microwave and stir-fry them on the stovetop. Yum.

Supper is a puzzle at this point. The pantry is almost exhausted. I could eat another slice of ‘za. Or a can of soup. I have eggs in the fridge and I have biscuit dough. Maybe I’ll bake biscuits. I can scramble a few eggs, butter a biscuit, and add some grape jelly. Sounds like a reasonable meal plan to me. I have no idea what people in the real world eat. Probably food from Mickey D’s.

The weather dude says it’s going to rain starting this morning and every day for the next week. I’ll be out of food long before the end of the week. I refuse to get drenched going to the grocery store to buy food. I'll just not eat. I need to lose weight anyway. On the other hand, if I run out of alcohol I’ll have no choice but to go to the store. Some things you can live without; some things you can’t.