Vegetarian-like

I just found out that I’m a vegetarian. Or rather, a type of vegetarian. You see, I was always under the impression that vegetarians only ate plants: vegetables, fruit, grains, nuts, legumes. But apparently my impression was based on bad information.

I recently learned that a vegetarian can also eat dairy products. If you’re a vegetarian and you eat dairy, too, you’re a lacto-vegetarian. In addition to milk and cheese, you might want to add eggs to your diet. Then you’d be a lacto-ovo-vegetarian.

My friend Dave’s wife insists she is a vegetarian. In addition to dairy and eggs, she also eats poultry and fish. So that makes her a lacto-ovo-fish-fowl vegetarian. I’m like her, with the slight difference that I also eat pork and beef. I’m a type of vegetarian called lacto-ovo-fish-fowl-pork-beef vegetarian. And there happens to be a lot of us.

It’s comforting to know that when I sit down to a plate of baby-back ribs or sirloin steak, that I’m eating a healthy vegetarian meal. And what about those few people who actually eat only plants? They don’t even call themselves vegetarians any longer. Now they’re “vegans”. They did that to set themselves apart from the animal-eating vegetarians.

Who knew that steak wrapped in bacon was totally vegetarian? I love Newspeak.