This morning cable news reported that Walmart was invited to send a representative to a meeting at the White House concerning possible gun laws. Walmart is America’s largest retailer and they sell guns, so it’s probable that they’re America’s largest seller of firearms. So what did Walmart do? They sent a message to the White House saying they couldn’t be there because everyone at Walmart was busy. To be accurate, they said there was a “scheduling conflict”.
The Walmart response reminded me of me asking a girl for a date in my younger years:
Me: “Would you like to go out this Saturday night?”
Girl: “Can’t. That’s the night I wash my hair.”
Me: “Well, how about Friday?”
Girl: “Can’t. That’s the night I get my hair ready for the Saturday night shampooing.”
And so on.
Who does Walmart get to write their lame excuses? Is it the guy in the mailroom? Come on, Walmart, you can do better. I can do better. I could write a better excuse in my sleep.
Here are ten possible responses Walmart could have sent to the White House:
We have a flat tire.
The company car is in a ditch.
The dog ate our invitation.
We’ll be out of the country that day.
We got lost in the woods.
We just took laxatives.
We have a migraine.
Isn’t that the Divisional Playoffs weekend?
We’ll be hung over that day.
That’s the day we wash our hair.
Now that I think about it, Walmart’s excuse for not going to the White House is just as good as the ten I listed. So never mind, Walmart.
Final note: After being laughed at by cable news all morning, Walmart changed their collective mind and announced they would send a representative to the meeting. Good thinking, Big W.
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