Meals: Why?

Today is December 27. I forgot to eat food yesterday. I just literally forgot. I no longer experience hunger. Maybe it’s age related; I don’t know. All I know is that I no longer have an appetite for food. I want to eat food but my body says “Meh.” It doesn’t care. My desire to eat food is purely intellectual. I want to eat because I know I should eat, not because of any physical sensation.

I have a bathroom scale. Okay, it’s not in the bathroom, it’s in my bedroom, but I assume the technology works equally well in both locations. It doesn’t have springs, it has a “strain gauge”. When I step on it, an internal support bends ever so slightly, and a strain gauge attached to that support reports the amount of bending and that is translated to pounds. So far so good.

Here’s the weird part. My weight doesn’t change. Okay, from early morning to the middle of the day it might increase by 3 pounds—even though I have consumed no food. By the end of the day it is back to “normal”, if normal is defined as being overweight.

It isn’t normal to fast and lose no weight. Perhaps I should report this to the Vatican. The Pope may want to make me a saint. I would be the first saint to be known by his initials: Saint VW (hint: VirtualWayne, get it?). I would also be the first saint to not be a Catholic.

And now the time is 2PM, and I still haven’t eaten today. A couple days ago I made chili with beans. I guess I’ll scoop it into plastic containers and stick the containers into the freezer. I really don’t know why I made it.

Most of my male friends have wives. Now that I think about it, all my male friends have wives. It is traditional for wives to prepare meals for their husbands, although many men also enjoy cooking and preparing meals for their wives. I am not one of those men. If I were married, my wife would probably nag me until I agreed to eat something. And she would be right. I should stock up on Captain’s Wafers and Ritz crackers. I understand there are things called fruits and vegetables that we’re supposed to eat, but are they really essential? Frankly, I believe this whole thing about “vitamins” is overblown.

The Shutdown

Trump and the Democrats in Congress are having a pissing contest over the proposed billion dollar boondoggle. Excuse me, I meant to say “border wall.” The argument is “I’m going to build a wall!” versus “Over my dead body!” So as a result, the government is partially shut down. Which begs the question, do we really need a government?

We need a military (though some would question that, too). Social Security and Medicare beneficiaries, who have paid into those two funds their entire lives, need to continue receiving their benefits. Federal retirees need their retirement checks. So what is being closed?

Non-essential programs are being shut down. Non-essential employees are being furloughed. This means the person that cleans the restroom is not coming to work, so try not to make a mess.

The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) will also be shut down, at least to some extent. So if lettuce starts killing people, you might not hear about it. It may be best to avoid salads for a while, although lettuce can kill people even when the government is functioning—if what the government usually does can be called “functioning”.

The truth is, the average person may not notice the government shutdown, unless they are applying for a passport or attempting some other arcane use of government. So don’t worry about the shutdown unless and until it bites you on the ass. (Not that you were going worry about it anyway.) And for you restroom cleaners, know that you will very likely be paid, just a bit later than usual. Enjoy your time off.

Solstice Food

Nine days ago I published a blog post about snow on the ground. I had shoveled my sidewalk from the front steps to the street, only to have a neighbor park his car where it blocked access to my sidewalk. My blog post asked the simple question, “WTF is wrong with people?” I guess their thoughts are on other matters, such as navigating snowy streets and holiday shopping.

Today, nine days later, snow is just a memory and the temperature is 68°F at midday. Sunlight brightens and dims as clouds float past. Today is the winter solstice. After today, daylight will lengthen day by day, even though today is the first day of winter here in the northern hemisphere. Winter always begins on the shortest day of the year, and summer always begins on the longest day of the year (the summer solstice).

Today is just a break in the cold weather. Cold will return. The boiler in the cellar will resume burning oil. The electric heater beside my feet will run once again. Central Virginia may see snow again before spring arrives.

There may be another break in the cold weather. It’s called the January Thaw. It usually lasts about a week and produces temperatures about 10°F above what is typical for the month. It doesn’t happen every year, but it happens more years than not.

There’s something about a cold winter that makes me want to hibernate. I don’t want to do anything or go anywhere. I want to crawl into bed and pull the blankets up to my ears. I want to drink hot cocoa and warm mulled cider. I want to eat comfort foods: beef stew, chili with beans, lasagna, warm banana bread, bacon grilled cheese sandwiches, and hearty soups.

That is quite enough of pondering food. I just talked myself into making a plate of french fries and buffalo chicken wings. My diet can wait until spring.

Contentment

It’s raining again today. It seems like weeks go by without sunshine. This year has been the third wettest for central Virginia since record-keeping began. Forecasters say this year is on track to become the second wettest year on record.

My backyard, where I drive into my garage, is now essentially mud. Ruts run through it. When spring comes, I’ll have to fix that, but I’m not sure how. Replace the missing soil with soil and grass seed? Replace the missing soil with rocks? Extend the garage apron by pouring concrete? Or just leave it alone? It is, after all, at the far end of my backyard.

So, today is gray and wet and tonight we’re supposed to get another 1.5 inches of rain. The temperature is warmer than in recent days—all the way up to 46°F. I could call this day dismal, and many would agree. But I’m in my  house. I’m warmed by an oil-fired boiler. I’m further warmed by an electric heater on the floor beside my chair. The heater blows warm air on my legs and it feels soothing and comforting.

When I was a boy delivering the morning newspaper, I would often stop at my grandmother’s house on the way home and she would prepare a tall stack of pancakes for me. While she was preparing them, I would pull up a chair to the edge of the floor furnace and bask in the stream of warm air that it blew over me. The sensation would almost put me to sleep.

Decades later, on a cold winter night I would fill the fireplace insert with firewood, close the doors, adjust the air intakes to keep the combustion low, and go to bed. If I awakened in the dark hours of the new day, I would go to the darkened living room and sit in front of the fireplace with my back to the fireplace insert. The gentle stream of warm air blowing from the insert was pure contentment.

I’ve wondered occasionally if other people find the flow of warm air blowing over their bodies as comforting as I do. Certainly, I would not think people who live where winters are warm would be able to appreciate it. To those people I say, “You don’t know what you’ve missed.”

The Wall

Donald Trump wants a multi-billion dollar wall on the southern border of the US. He says he needs Democratic help. Why?

The Republican party controls both houses of Congress and the White House. Of 100 senators, 54 are Republican. Of 435 representatives, 246 are Republican. The 114th Congress has the largest Republican majority since the 71st Congress of 1929—1931. If Trump wants to fund a border wall, why doesn’t he ask his own party for funding instead of blaming Democrats for not cooperating with him?

Trump has done plenty of things Democrats opposed. The Congress has been essentially a rubber stamp on anything he wanted. Trump got things his way. Then Trump hit a wall.

It was a wall of Democrats united to put the brakes on his multi-billion dollar boondoggle. Trump wanted $1.4 billion to start construction. Democrats gave him $1.5 billion for upgrades to border security, but no money for a wall.

Trump said he will “proudly” shut down the federal government unless Democrats help him pay for the border wall. He will proudly stop paychecks to hundreds of thousands of federal workers, proudly close national parks, and proudly suspend many government functions. Considering that Congress and the White House are controlled by Republicans, why do they need Democratic votes? It would seem they could pass any bill they want to pass.

But they can’t and it’s because of something called the “Cloture Rule”. It only takes 51 votes to pass a bill in the Senate but it takes 60 votes to end a filibuster, and Republicans don’t have 60 votes.

When Trump was campaigning, he assured his supporters again and again that Mexico will pay for the wall. When Mexico made it clear that they would not be forking over billions of dollars for Trump’s wall, the funding situation became murkier. Trump changed his message to: American taxpayers will pay for the wall and Mexico will reimburse us “in some form” at “a later date.” But Mexican government officials have stated repeatedly that they will not pay for any part of Trump’s border wall. So if the wall is built, who will be on the hook for the bill?

At the end of the day it will be the same people who are always on the hook for billion dollar boondoggles—American taxpayers. Or more likely, the wall will be paid for by the children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren of today’s taxpayers.

Even more likely than that is the probability that the bill for the wall will never be paid. The bill will simply be added to America’s credit card, otherwise known as the National Debt, and taxpayers will pay interest on that bill forever, never paying it off. And that is what lenders really care about. They don’t want the debt to be repaid. They want to earn interest indefinitely. And for some reason, voters seem happy to let them do that.

Winter Storm: Update 3

I have a number of complaints about the behavior of certain members of the human race. Today I added another one to the list.

There is still fairly deep snow on the ground from the recent winter storm. Certainly it’s deeper than you would want to walk through. So I shoveled the snow off my sidewalk, from my front steps to the street. I then went into the house and looked out the front window, admiring the result of my labor.

Along comes a neighbor’s car and guess where he parks. With the entire width of my lot available for parking, he parks in front of my sidewalk, blocking access from the street. Now anyone who wants to use my sidewalk has to walk through snow to get to it.

WTF is wrong with people? Do they no longer think about what they’re doing, or do they simply not give a damn? Maybe it’s both. After all, we are now living in the real-life incarnation of the film Idiocracy.

Betrayal

It is difficult to be friends with both a husband and wife (or any close couple), especially when there are secrets involved.

For example (and this is purely fictional): The wife tells me she sneaks out of the house every Friday night so she can drive to a Bingo parlor and gamble a little money playing Bingo. She sneaks back into the house so her husband won’t confront her about where she has been, because she doesn’t want him to know she has been gambling. The husband tells me he is sure his wife is cheating on him because he has seen her sneaking out of the house on Friday nights and coming home late and sneaking into the house. He tells me that because she is cheating on him, he feels it is okay for him to cheat on her. The couple’s relationship starts to fall apart due to a misunderstanding about what is happening.

If I tell the husband that his wife is not cheating but merely gambling and he confronts her about her gambling habit, the wife accuses me of betraying her trust. If I tell the wife what her husband has told me and she confronts him, he accuses me of betraying his trust. So, do I remain silent and allow their relationship to sink into a state of cold animosity that may end in divorce? Or do I “betray” one or both of them to get them to start talking to each other, even if it means that one (or both) of them will no longer be my friend?

In the real world I choose the latter, even though it causes trouble for them and for me, because I feel that if I don’t try to start a conversation between them, the situation will only deteriorate further until it may be unrecoverable. I can’t stand back and watch that happen and say nothing. That isn’t my nature. But maybe I am totally wrong and maybe I should let their relationship end in divorce, because it is, after all, their business. But then, what if children are involved? Does that make it different? Is there a “generally speaking” correct way to handle this? Or is every situation similar but different, each with its own correct answer? I really don’t know.

Winter Storm: Update 2

The storm has passed and the sun is out. My street still has not been plowed and cars and pickup trucks are traveling on it. A pickup truck became stuck on the icy, snowy street adjacent to the SUV that became stuck last night. He was stuck there for an hour, while other people came with snow shovels and tried to dig him out. No luck. Then someone came by in a pickup truck with a tow chain and tried to get him out. Even with that help, it took quite a while to get him going.

The icicles hanging off my front awnings have melted and now water from the melting roof snow drips from them. The temperature has climbed to 34°F. Although the weather people have said we officially got 9 inches of snow, everywhere I look it appears closer to 12 inches and a perhaps a little more. The weight of the snow on the shrubs in front of my house has basically destroyed them, splitting them apart and weighing parts of them to the ground.

At one point, my Internet went out, but came back on a couple of minutes later. Thankfully, the electricity has stayed on, without which I would not have had heat.

I know, I know—it could have been worse.

Yesterday afternoon, snow is falling, this SUV is stuck against my curb and has been abandoned. It was the first of two vehicles to get stuck in front of my house.

Afternoon today, the SUV is still stuck, still abandoned.

The pillowy aftermath, looking down the street. Still hoping the city will push the snow off the street and put down some sand, but not holding my breath.

Winter Storm: Update 1

I awoke this morning with snow already falling. I went about my business for the next few hours. I had no need to leave the house. I heard a snowplow going up a nearby street. I didn’t look out the window, but the sound of a snowplow scraping the street is unmistakable.

My own street has not been plowed, nor has salt and sand been put down. A small white car travels slowly past my house. Two men in dark clothing run behind it. I’m guessing they had just pushed the car to get it moving on the slick street, and they told the driver to go slowly and they would catch up to the car, but “don’t stop moving!” Good advice.

A short while later, I look outside and see a small dark-gray Nissan SUV stuck in the middle of the street in front of my house. A man is trying to shovel snow away from the front wheels while a woman looks on, but under the snow there is ice and a snow shovel is useless against ice. A few minutes later I look outside and see the driver trying to move the vehicle forward, but the front wheels spin and the vehicle turns sideways in the street.

Another few minutes pass and I look outside again. Now the SUV is against the curb in front of my house. There is no hope of getting the vehicle out of this situation. Maybe the driver will learn a lesson about driving in snow in a 2WD vehicle. Eventually they abandon the vehicle and begin walking down the street.

This little misadventure is being repeated thousands of times on roads around central Virginia. Cars have slid off roads and are stuck in ditches or perhaps are stopped by a tree. Authorities always advise people to not go out when the roads are bad. But, of course, there are always people who think, “They don’t mean me” or “I can handle it.”

It’s dark now. It’s 7PM and snow is still falling hard. Somewhere nearby I hear the roar of an engine and the whine of tires on ice and I know a car is stuck. I learned my lesson long ago. That’s why my vehicle has 4WD. Even so, I’m going to keep it in the garage until I have to use it. We all live and learn. It just takes some people longer than others.

Forecast: Snow

Tomorrow at this time, the brutally cold and outrageously blizzardy Great Snowstorm and/or Blizzard of 2018 will be hitting my central Virginia city. We expect to receive 1 inch of snow. Or perhaps 6 inches. Prognosticators are not sure about the amount. The dividing line between 1 to 3 inches to the east and 3 to 6 inches to the west runs right down the main drag in my little city. If that imaginary line shifts a few miles east or west, it will make a big difference in how much snow we get. But 1 inch or 6 inches, it will matter little to me. Either way, it’s a nuisance.

When I was a boy, I loved snow. I loved that schools were closed. I had a sled and a great place to go sledding. Of course, that was long before I had to shovel snow off my sidewalk or shovel a path from my back door to my garage, where my Jeep lives. Snow is pretty to watch falling, and a landscape covered in snow is also pretty, but the aftermath is a bother I don’t need.

My Jeep has 4 wheel drive, so I don’t worry about getting stuck. But I don’t like to drive my Jeep around town in a slushy mixture of snow and sand and salt, which is what is on the streets on the day after it snows. And when night comes and the temperature falls, everything freezes and the streets are slick with ice. I don’t like to have wet salt thrown onto the underside of the Jeep or into the wheel wells where it can rust sheet metal. And I really don’t want to have some driver slide his vehicle into my Jeep. So I prefer to leave the Jeep parked in the garage until the snow is gone.

If we get enough snow, maybe I’ll post some pictures here. Maybe I’ll post a video or two for the benefit of people who’ve never lived where it snows and have never had the privilege of digging out a vehicle and shoveling a path from a parking lot to a street, or helping a neighbor dig out his vehicle, or driving miles to pick up a friend or co-worker and drive them home on abandoned roads on a night when only snowplows venture out. So much fun.

Baby, It’s Cold Outside

When I left Walmart the air temperature was about 30°F. Light snow had just begun falling. Perhaps that was the reason the popular holiday song “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” popped into my head.

The song was written in 1944 by Frank Loesser for him and his wife to sing at Christmas parties. The song has always been popular. But recently, radio stations have pulled the song from their holiday playlists. Their reasoning is that the song is guilty of commending, if not promoting, sexual harassment.

As I walked across the parking lot to my car, I reflected upon the fact that in those olden days when the song was written and performed, it was possible for a man to suggest to a woman that she stay the evening without the suggestion being considered sexual harassment or, worse, sexual assault.

There are legitimate cases of sexual harassment and sexual assault. But the politically correct crowd seems bent on promoting the idea that anything suggestive of sex must be harassment or assault. That perception dilutes the legitimate claims of harassment and assault.

Maybe I’m being old-fashioned here, but I believe claims of sexual intimidation should be confined to actual acts of intimidation and not a suggestion that a woman should stay the evening because “it’s cold outside”. If we make that suggestion into sexual harassment then I can truthfully say that I’ve been sexually harassed by women on multiple occasions, and I didn’t even know I was being harassed. It works both ways.

Tattoos

This blog post will upset a lot of people. Okay, not “a lot” of people, because a lot of people don’t read this blog. But it will upset some people. Okay, let me be totally honest—it will upset a few people, maybe.

I don’t understand the fascination with tattoos and piercings. Tattoos are a turnoff for me. Piercings are an even bigger turnoff, especially when they go through the nose or mouth. Little studs or rings through the eyebrows, those I can live with. I can accept them. That doesn’t mean I like them, though.

The human body, when taken care of properly, is a temple. It’s a work of art. (Especially the female body, but I’m a guy so I’m sure I’m biased.) “So what?” you ask.

There is a world-famous building in India called the Taj Mahal. It is renowned for its beauty. But is there a way that we can make it even more beautiful? Sure, let’s just get some cans of spray paint and spray graffiti all over the outside of it! If you think graffiti will make the Taj Mahal more beautiful, then you deserve tattoos. No doubt your friends are saying, “Looking good!”

And for those people of the Jewish and Christian faiths, note that the Bible has something to say about this subject. Leviticus 19:28 “Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourself.” If you don’t like my opinion on tattoos and piercings, go argue with God.

Think before you ink.