Betrayal

It is difficult to be friends with both a husband and wife (or any close couple), especially when there are secrets involved.

For example (and this is purely fictional): The wife tells me she sneaks out of the house every Friday night so she can drive to a Bingo parlor and gamble a little money playing Bingo. She sneaks back into the house so her husband won’t confront her about where she has been, because she doesn’t want him to know she has been gambling. The husband tells me he is sure his wife is cheating on him because he has seen her sneaking out of the house on Friday nights and coming home late and sneaking into the house. He tells me that because she is cheating on him, he feels it is okay for him to cheat on her. The couple’s relationship starts to fall apart due to a misunderstanding about what is happening.

If I tell the husband that his wife is not cheating but merely gambling and he confronts her about her gambling habit, the wife accuses me of betraying her trust. If I tell the wife what her husband has told me and she confronts him, he accuses me of betraying his trust. So, do I remain silent and allow their relationship to sink into a state of cold animosity that may end in divorce? Or do I “betray” one or both of them to get them to start talking to each other, even if it means that one (or both) of them will no longer be my friend?

In the real world I choose the latter, even though it causes trouble for them and for me, because I feel that if I don’t try to start a conversation between them, the situation will only deteriorate further until it may be unrecoverable. I can’t stand back and watch that happen and say nothing. That isn’t my nature. But maybe I am totally wrong and maybe I should let their relationship end in divorce, because it is, after all, their business. But then, what if children are involved? Does that make it different? Is there a “generally speaking” correct way to handle this? Or is every situation similar but different, each with its own correct answer? I really don’t know.