Meals: Why?

Today is December 27. I forgot to eat food yesterday. I just literally forgot. I no longer experience hunger. Maybe it’s age related; I don’t know. All I know is that I no longer have an appetite for food. I want to eat food but my body says “Meh.” It doesn’t care. My desire to eat food is purely intellectual. I want to eat because I know I should eat, not because of any physical sensation.

I have a bathroom scale. Okay, it’s not in the bathroom, it’s in my bedroom, but I assume the technology works equally well in both locations. It doesn’t have springs, it has a “strain gauge”. When I step on it, an internal support bends ever so slightly, and a strain gauge attached to that support reports the amount of bending and that is translated to pounds. So far so good.

Here’s the weird part. My weight doesn’t change. Okay, from early morning to the middle of the day it might increase by 3 pounds—even though I have consumed no food. By the end of the day it is back to “normal”, if normal is defined as being overweight.

It isn’t normal to fast and lose no weight. Perhaps I should report this to the Vatican. The Pope may want to make me a saint. I would be the first saint to be known by his initials: Saint VW (hint: VirtualWayne, get it?). I would also be the first saint to not be a Catholic.

And now the time is 2PM, and I still haven’t eaten today. A couple days ago I made chili with beans. I guess I’ll scoop it into plastic containers and stick the containers into the freezer. I really don’t know why I made it.

Most of my male friends have wives. Now that I think about it, all my male friends have wives. It is traditional for wives to prepare meals for their husbands, although many men also enjoy cooking and preparing meals for their wives. I am not one of those men. If I were married, my wife would probably nag me until I agreed to eat something. And she would be right. I should stock up on Captain’s Wafers and Ritz crackers. I understand there are things called fruits and vegetables that we’re supposed to eat, but are they really essential? Frankly, I believe this whole thing about “vitamins” is overblown.