The Vodka Incident

The day was Sunday. The time was sometime after noon. I went to the liquor store to buy vodka. The clerk refused to sell me vodka. He said I was “wobbly” and therefore he couldn’t sell me booze.

I understood. He thought I was intoxicated. He has a job and not selling booze to people who are drunk is one of his tasks. But in truth, I had not taken a drink of alcohol since the previous day. There was little or no alcohol in my blood. The reason I was wobbly was age. Don’t ask me my age; I don’t want to think about it. But when I’m walking down the street or across a parking lot or around the park, I feel somewhat unsure of my footsteps. My sense of balance is becoming creaky. Like the rest of me.

I do drink alcohol, but I try to do so only in the evening. I don’t drink and drive. I drink and go to bed. Nevertheless, the liquor store incident triggered a chain of thoughts about my relationship with booze. I’m aware that I drink more than I should, so I decided to stop drinking alcohol.

I’ve quit before. Just quit, cold turkey. But when I do that, it causes hallucinations. I decided very quickly that I don’t like hallucinations. By the way, if you’re a heavy drinker or long-time drinker, be aware that if you suddenly stop drinking alcohol, the alcohol withdrawal can kill you. On the other hand, some people can quit cold turkey with no withdrawal symptoms. Go figure.

My plan is to taper off. I’ve read there is no proof that tapering reduces the severity of withdrawal, but I’ve also read the opposite. I guess it’s buyer beware when it comes to advice on the Internet.

My father was an alcoholic, as was his brother. My father quit drinking. His brother did not and committed suicide in his 40s. A good friend of mine who lives near me was a heavy drinker, but one morning about a decade ago, he got out of bed and said to himself, “No more!” He went to the kitchen sink and poured all his liquor down the drain. He hasn’t drunk alcohol since then.

Years ago, I lived in another city. Every Friday evening I opened a bottle of wine (5 standard drinks) and drank half of it, then on Saturday night I would drink the remainder. Then no more alcohol until the next Friday night. But I moved to another city. The closest grocery store was operated by a Christian family and the store didn’t sell alcohol of any kind. So when I went to the store for groceries, I would walk across the parking lot to a nearby liquor store and buy a bottle of brandy. (Brandy is made from distilled wine, so…) It’s ironic that refusing to sell someone one bottle of wine per week could turn that person into an alcoholic. It’s called perverse effect and I’ve written about it.

But the habit creeps up on you. As time passes, the alcohol loses some of its ability to relax you and make you feel good, so you increase the amount you drink in order to get the same feeling. As the years roll by, your alcohol consumption goes up little by little, until one day you realize, “I’m drinking way too much,” even if you only drink before going to bed. You rationalize: “I’m only drinking to get to sleep.”

Giving up alcohol is difficult. I’ve tried to quit twice and failed twice. There is a saying: “Third time’s the charm.” I hope so. Wish me luck.