Tuesday, May 12, 2020

Choices

Written: 7/9/2018. I didn’t think it was good enough to publish (which happens often) so it stayed in limbo in my Drafts folder, along with many other would-be posts. But I’m lazy today, so here it is.


A fertility clinic in San Francisco had an equipment failure and 2,000 frozen eggs and embryos may have been compromised. Another fertility clinic in Cleveland had a similar failure that same weekend that compromised 4,000 eggs and embryos. Women who wanted a baby in later life may be out of luck. Naturally, lawsuits are pending.

When I saw this on the news, I had an imaginary conversation with an imaginary wannabe future mom.

“If you want to have a baby, better have it now,” I told her.

“But I want a career, too,” she replied. “I shouldn’t have to choose between a baby and a career.”

“That’s what life is: choices. We make little choices and big choices all the time. Do I get pizza or hamburger for lunch? Choose wrong and you may get indigestion. Should I marry or not marry, should I choose this person or that person? Choose wrong and you could live a lifetime of regret. Life is a long series of choices.”

“But it’s not fair,” she said. “Those eggs were supposed to be there when I want a baby. Now they’re gone. I’ve lost my future child. Somebody has to pay.”

“I’m sure they will pay, but it’s only money. That is no substitute for a baby you can hold, a child of your own.”

We make choices and we live with them. All we know for certain is that sometimes our choices will be wrong, and all the lawsuits in the world won’t change that.

I feel bad for that wannabe mom. But all isn’t lost. If she has an instinct to mother a child, she should look into adopting a young child. I know it’s not the same, but she’ll grow to love that kid, and the kid will love her, and isn’t that the important part of having a child?

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