Space Nuts

Why is it that in sci-fi films in which humans land a ship on an alien planet, the crew of the earth ship is as weird a collection of nut-jobs, oddballs, whackos, and delayed-development semi-delinquents that, on earth, would be hard to round up anywhere outside a frat house? (Excluding the Star Trek franchise, of course.)

“I’m taking my helmet off! Whooo!” says one mush-for-brains standing in the alien atmosphere. So much for following orders. So much for adhering to the mission plan. Is anybody in charge? Yes, but they’re back on the ship and don’t know what their screwball comrades are doing.

Then a bozo sticks his helmet-less head into an obviously living alien “pod”. “Hey, look at this—I wonder what’s inside!” Bingo! People start dying or having their brains sucked out or getting turned into zombies.

I’ve seen a number of sci-fi flicks and stupidity is a recurrent theme. I get tired of watching twits who are supposedly on a trillion dollar expedition to another star system acting like drunken frat boys on an expedition to steal another fraternity’s pet goat mascot. Who vetted this crew?!

One could argue that if all the crew members behaved as they should on an alien planet, then nothing exciting would happen. That’s not true, of course, but I admit it’s easier to generate drama when the characters are being stupid. It’s like those horror films where the entire audience knows that what the teenage girl is about to do is a bad idea. “Don’t open that door!” they yell at the screen. But the girl opens the door and the zombie jumps out and brains get eaten.

When a film gets to the part where the characters begin to act like boneheads, I turn off the movie. If I want to see boneheads in action, I’ll drive to Wally World and ask to buy potatoes. (And no, I’m never going to let them off the hook for that story. It’s too good.)