Thoughts

Recently, I've been waking at 3 a.m. despite going to bed at a late hour. So last night I sipped a sleep potion before I went to bed. It was given to me and said to be from foreign lands where mystical spells are used by wizards and, possibly, the Watcher in the Water, but of that I cannot speak. All I know is this potion is reputed to be a powerful sleeping potion and I was assured I would not awaken at 3 a.m. again. And it worked. I did not awaken at 3 a.m. today. I awakened at 2:45 a.m. I'll admit I didn't see that coming.

So I sit at my computer, bathed in darkness and quiet, and think many thoughts, but nothing that is worthy of a blog post. Eventually I return to bed, to lie awake and think. A friend thousands of miles away sends me a text and my phone, lying in darkness on the dresser beside me, lights its screen and beeps at me. I pick up the phone and I have a short conversation. Afterward, I lie in bed, holding the dark phone in my hand. Time passes, and I bring the phone in front of my face and punch it awake. I begin talking to it. This is what I tell the phone:

"The time is 6:13 a.m. and it is very dark, outside and inside. I'm lying in bed, having given up trying to write a meaningful blog post. I am thinking thoughts that are mostly trivial. I'm thinking about Legacies. I think most of us who are mature in our thinking want to leave behind a legacy. We are not immortal... we do not have an infinite amount of time ahead of us. I think most of us would like to leave a mark on the world, to do something good for the world. Instead, the vast majority of us will disappear without a whimper. After one or two generations no one remembers us unless we were really outstanding and even if that were the case they will mostly just remember our name. Consider Henry Ford. He founded the Ford motor company but what else do we know of him, what else do we think of him? He left behind a name and a business but the rest, for the most part, will disappear from our consciousness without a trace.

"And what of the very wealthy? What of the millionaires, what of the billionaires? What of those acquisitors of wealth who cannot possibly spend wisely their billions before their own ends arrive? What kind of Legacy will they leave? What about the billionaire's second cousin thrice removed who squanders inherited millions on European mountaintops and wingsuit fantasies with no thought of earning so much as a penny? They don't have to earn their living because a wealthy person's Legacy made it possible for them to live the life of a parasite, living off the wages of underpaid workers they never knew who are long dead now. I have to wonder, in my own way, am I any better? The world's answer will be no. But I am more concerned about the answer of my better angel. What have I done, how have I helped, how much have I learned, and will it be sufficient when the time arrives for it to matter?

"The time is 6:32 a.m. and it is very dark, outside and inside."