Left-Handed Stuff

I’m watching TV and a woman on the show says that she cuts her hands in the kitchen because she’s left-handed and all of her knives are right-handed.

My reaction: “Say what?”

I go to my kitchen and examine my knives. All my knife handles are perfectly symmetrical. The left and right sides are identical. Obviously, my knives are ambidextrous. Until that moment, I never knew that kitchen implements had handedness, but it explains a lot.

My right-handed self often eats while in my recliner in front of the TV. I keep dropping crumbs of food onto my shirt. I had thought it was me being clumsy, but now I’m fairly sure it’s because I’m using a left-handed fork. Likewise, I suspect I have some left-handed spoons.

Expanding my thinking on this subject, I’m pretty sure I’m using a left-handed belt to hold up my right-handed pants. The buckle is at the end where the holes should be, and the holes are at the end where the buckle should be. That explains why I put on my belt starting in the left loop and going counter-clockwise instead of the standard way of starting in the right loop and going clockwise. I’m pretty sure that my way of dressing would be correct if I were living south of the equator. So maybe I’m putting my belt on correctly after all, and the real problem is that I’m living on the wrong side of the equator.

Rats. I think I have to move to Ecuador.