History

I looked at my bedside clock and saw the time: 6:30 AM. My first thought was, "Wow, I've slept late this morning." But then, it took hours for me to get to sleep, as it often does. The last time I looked at the clock before sleep, the clock read 12:30 AM. So I got 6 hours sleep. Realizing this, I didn't feel too bad.

I got up and shuffled stiffly to the bathroom. As I took care of morning business, I mumbled "Thor's Day" to myself, soundlessly, in my head. Because today is Thursday, a day named after the Germanic god Thor.

Saturday, Sunday, and Monday are named after the celestial bodies Saturn, Sun, and Moon. Other days are named after Germanic gods: Tuesday (Tiw's day), Wednesday (Woden's day), Thursday (Thor's day) and Friday (Freya's day). 

Just imagine there was a time in history when days did not have names. And people did not have names. So no one knew who they were, or when they were. Now here we are in week #3869 (I always assume the Universe began at the moment of my birth because, why not—it makes as much sense as saying it all started 6000 years ago, which some people believe) and now it's modern times and everything has a name, though some names are very archaic. October, for example. Why do we call it that? 

September, October, November and December are named after Roman numbers 7, 8, 9 and 10—they were originally the seventh, eighth, ninth and tenth months of the Roman year. That is because the Roman calendar began in March and had ten months. But the Romans played around with the calendar, adding months and renaming months, so now we have 12 months and the names are what they are. It doesn't have to make sense.

Thursday. Thor's day. I never cared much for studying history when I was in school. It was dry and dull: just learning dates and names and about endless European wars. If I had taught history I would have made it interesting. I would have told my students about Woden's day, and Thor's day, and about January being named after the Roman deity Janus, the god of doors, gates, and transitions, because the first month is the transition—the doorway—into a new year.

History doesn't have to be boring. People make it that way. Why? Maybe history is dangerous and the authorities don't want us to look into it too deeply. Maybe they're afraid that if we study it too much, we might get "ideas." So they teach it, but they make it deadly boring so we won't look at it closely. I'm just saying "maybe." If they could make sex as boring as history, there would be fewer people today and restaurants wouldn't have to give us beepers and tell us to wait outside—we could get a table straight away and order a beer and relax and we would all be happier.

Maybe.