Clickbait

I was visiting a news website, and on one web page there was a list of headlines containing sensational phrasing. I am listing 10 curiosity-inducing headlines here.

1. Huge … discovery stuns scientists
2. Shocking discovery … floors scientists
3. Scientists stunned …
4. Astonishing … discovery stuns scientists
5. Incredible story will blow your mind
6. Shocking report
7. Huge discovery … stuns scientists
8. This common food may kill your dog
9. Huge discovery … shocks scientists
10. Scientists shocked by huge … discovery

I think it’s safe to say that no scientists were shocked, stunned, or astonished. No minds were blown. So what’s going on?

These overly hyped headlines are called “clickbait”. Their purpose is to induce us to click them. Let’s remove the hype and look at the gist of these stories.

1. Huge discovery stuns scientists: Construction workers in China found fossilized dinosaur eggs. (Not the first time.)
2. Shocking discovery floors scientists: A star system 40 light years away has planets that might be able to support life. This is not to say that said planets do support life. That is unknown.
3. Scientists stunned: A new species of octopus was discovered.
4. Astonishing discovery stuns scientists: Researchers at the University of Liverpool found a “double whirlpool (eddy)” in the Tasman Sea. Until now it was only theoretical.
5. Incredible story will blow your mind: The followers of a dead Bulgarian “seer” claim some of her predictions have come true. Another story on the same web page suggests she was a “total fraud”.
6. Shocking report: A Russian man wearing virtual reality goggles slipped and fell onto a glass table, cut himself, and died. (Why is this international news?)
7. Huge discovery stuns scientists — Hurricanes damage coral reefs. (Who would’ve guessed?)
8. This common food may kill your dog — It’s chocolate, of course. Feed your dog dog food.
9. Huge discovery shocks scientists — The recent total solar eclipse produced a “bow wave” effect in the atmosphere — a miniscule effect likely useful to no one.
10. Scientists shocked by huge discovery — scientists at Oxford think Mars’ water has merged with rocks in the planet’s mantle.

As can be seen, the stories are very ordinary. The only thing sensational about these stories is the clickbait headline that lures you in.

Clickbait is hard to resist. Even when you know it’s bait, you’re tempted to click through to the very mundane content. But when we click on clickbait, we’re asking for more of it. The headline writers are waving a candy bar under our noses and saying, “Go ahead — grab it!” But the candy bar is an illusion. It’s not real. Yet we fall for the trick over and over, even though we know it’s a trick.

Maybe someone will invent a browser plug-in that eliminates clickbait from a web page before we see it. And maybe someone will invent a browser plug-in that banishes fake news stories before we see them. And maybe there will be a million dollars in my checking account tomorrow morning. If I’m going to dream, I might as well dream big.