Marriage

A new report finds that 20 percent of U.S. adults over 25 have never been married. That number is higher now than it has ever been. About 90 percent of people marry by age 50, but then 50 percent of those marriages end in divorce. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher. The percentage of Americans over the age of 18 who are single is 45 percent. These Americans are generally healthier than their married counterparts.

Even so, the divorce rate should be higher than it is. Many married couples struggle in their marriage long after the marriage is dead. They never talk to each other and they may sleep in separate bedrooms. Often their only reason for staying together is “for the kids.” Meanwhile, the kids are miserable living in an unhappy home. Even worse than living in a home where the parents don’t talk to one another is living in a home where the parents quarrel constantly. They are not doing their kids a favor by staying together.

When I lived in Roanoke in southwest Virginia, I had a friend who had a married uncle living in Roanoke. The man’s wife lived near Washington, DC. They had found a way to make their marriage work. On a weekend, the man might drive to Washington to spend two days with his wife. The rest of the week the couple were apart, which limited their ability to quarrel. On a weekend when they got together, it was probably more like “friends with benefits” than a marriage.

I think the ideal house for a married couple is a duplex with a common room. The man lives in one half of the duplex, the woman lives in the other half. Sometimes they’ll meet in the common room for talking or sleeping or intimacy. But for most of the day, they don’t have to put up with bumping into one another. If the couple has children, that might complicate matters but I’m confident that intelligent people can work out a compromise.

And for those readers who live in happy marriages, I would advise you to count your blessings, because I’m sure you’re in a minority.