Colonoscopy

My first colonoscopy found polyps, some of which were pre-cancerous. Two years later my second colonoscopy found more polyps. My third colonoscopy (Tuesday) found one small polyp and it was removed. The doctor told me it will be the last colonoscopy I will have because there comes a point where a person doesn’t have enough life expectancy remaining to go to the effort of trying to extend it. But I had already decided this would be my last exam. The prep is hell, and I resigned to never doing it again.

If you’re a young person you should get your first colonoscopy at age 45 (or sooner) and if everything is OK then get another 10 years later. If you really don’t want to get a colonoscopy, then at least get a flexible sigmoidoscopy. I’ve had one and it’s easy. You are not given any drugs. You go to the doctor and it takes 10 to 15 minutes. Generally, there is no pain, although it may not be comfortable and you may feel a pinch. The sigmoidoscopy exam checks the rectal area and the sigmoid colon. It is not a replacement for a colonoscopy but it is better than nothing. You definitely do not want to have rectal cancer!

Incidentally, the colonoscopy, if done in a hospital, is a piece of cake. You’re sedated (unconscious) and then you wake up and get dressed and go home. The hellacious part is the preparation for the procedure. You have to drink what seems like 55 gallons of nauseating liquid and then spend the rest of your life running to the toilet every 5 minutes. Actually, it’s 4 liters—which is still a lot when you have to drink an 8-ounce glass every 15 minutes for about 5 hours. Plus citrate of magnesia before and after the ordeal. When I write it down, it doesn’t sound bad, but when you are doing it you will say, “OMG, I will not do this again for any amount of money. Let me die.”

The day before the procedure, I had a Covid19 test. It was negative, as I expected it would be, but it’s still nice to have it confirmed.

Now it is Wednesday, the day after the test. I ate nothing on Monday (as per the prep instructions) and I ate nothing on Tuesday, except a bowl of cereal after I got home. I’ve eaten nothing today. I know I need to drink water, but I’m not sure I want to eat anything again, ever. I’m not hungry at all. Maybe I can live on sunlight. I’ve heard that certain holy people can do that. Maybe I’m a holy person and simply don’t know it. You may laugh, but you don’t really know. Let’s find out.